by Shawn Bonneteau | Aug 14, 2019 | Porn Addiction
You can enjoy the recovery journey to quitting porn!
When we believe we can enjoy the journey to quitting porn, masturbation, and other forms of unwanted sexual behaviors, it helps us focus on the present moment and not tomorrow. Furthermore, when one is focused on the recovery journey over results, there’s a greater purpose to truly live every day. By focusing on the present moment, you will experience a sense of joy, peace, excitement, and passion that helps you see every day as an opportunity rather than a struggle.
I love this quote because it rings so true: “Maturity happens when we choose to live in reality”. In other words, when you see that each day is a chance to become a man or woman of purpose, you will mature along the way. For example, when I am focused on my character rather than results, be it at work, with my family, or with my own recovery, my actions flow from my character and reveal who I truly am. One of my favorite sayings is “When you seek to become a Godly man/woman, you will inevitably outgrow things like pornography”. So, with that being said, have fun becoming your best self and watch how your life changes for the better.
roadblocks to enjoying the recovery journey to quitting porn:
Of course, it’s not as simple as just working hard and “becoming” a character-driven person. In most cases, this turns into striving and becomes behavior management, rather than true internal heart change. This is why we recommend working with a trusted guide when quitting porn. Ultimately, getting the right support will help you not only quit porn but experience freedom and sexual wholeness.
Because there are many potential roadblocks in your life, it’s important for you to be honest about where you may be blinded. In other words, your comfort has very likely created an inability to realize where you are falling short.
Examples of potential roadblocks to true recovery:
- No “why” – Lacking a strong desire and reason to quit
- Fear – Doubting that you are capable of freedom
- Anxiety – Letting worry and assumptions overwhelm you
- Bad habits – Letting these dictate your outcomes
- Bad Association – Being around bad influences begins to rub off on you
- Faulty Beliefs – Letting lies narrate your life
- Poor Health – Mind, spirit, and body
- Negative thoughts – Controlled by the voices in your head
- No Communication – Staying in isolation
- Lack of support – Trying to fight this battle on your own
- No Game plan – Wandering into battle without prep
3 ways to start enjoying the recovery journey to quitting porn:
#1: Know your “why”:
There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you. Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason for doing it. It’s important that you look at your present life, your future life, and your legacy and define what you want to be known for. Imagine what life would be like without porn and masturbation, without your unwanted sexual behavior, and with a renewed purpose, a healthy marriage, and a sense of dignity.
Questions that may help you discover your “why”:
- Why are you going to you quit porn for yourself? What difference will it make?
- Why would you quit porn for someone else? What difference will it make?
- Why does quitting porn matter to you? What difference will it make?
- What will directly and indirectly change in your life when you are porn-free?
#2: Have a Game Plan
If you want to go into this recovery journey feeling confident then it is time to equip yourself with the right mindset and tools. In my mentoring practice, I get a sense a lot of people end up living day by day with the fear of relapsing. While I don’t believe this is at all helpful, I do understand why it happens. It’s because they don’t know what they are doing and they don’t know what they will do when it’s time to act. Ultimately, temptation comes no matter what, but it’s what you do when it comes that matters most. Therefore, To feel a sense of confidence in your day to day journey to quitting porn, I recommend these 5 things:
- Write down what triggers you to think about porn
Get very specific here (Places, situations, personalities, body parts, websites, smells, fetishes, memories, words, etc.) You can call this your “Trigger Template”. For example, you may sense a desire to numb out when you have had a long day at work and feel unaccomplished. The idea of not being good enough triggers the temptation and pornography becomes the coping mechanism. In addition, it’s not just sexual situations that tempt you to watch porn, as you can see in the example. Therefore, its crucial that you write down anything that tempts you to want to numb, escape or dissociate from reality.
- Keep a log of your temptations and actions
This step may seem tedious, but it is incredibly rewarding. To do it well, use the note app on your phone and jot down some detail of each situation that occurs. This practice is going to be uncomfortable and revealing. Therefore, it’s important that you give yourself a week to get the hang of it, and longer if needed. I have done this in my own life and learned so much from it, hence why I am sharing it with you. To illustrate how this may go, here’s a look into what my note looked like:
- 7 am: Picked up my phone because I wanted to feel wanted
- 7:30 am: checked my email out of boredom, nothing important, now I feel unimportant
- 7:45 am: Scrolling facebook to feel better about myself, but now I feel lazy
- 11 am: I feel tired at work, I want the day to end so I can numb out
- 11:30 am: Scrolling nhl.com to kill time and live through others success
- 1 pm: My boss makes me so mad
- 3 pm: I hate my job, I wish I could do something else
- 6 pm: I have no plans tonight, I'm a loser
- 7 pm: I really want to escape and watch porn
* It’s important to make sure you are making notes at all times, even if it’s every 5 minutes. The goal here is to track everything that tempts you and your actions that follow.
- Have a few people you can call
We call these “accountability partners” or “allies”. Firstly, they are people you trust and feel comfortable sharing your struggles with. Secondly, they are people who will challenge you, encourage you, and pray for you. While these people will be who you call if you need support in the moment, they are by no means meant to play “police officer” and check in on you. Ultimately, the goal of having a few trusted people on the recovery journey with you is to have different perspectives on what you are going through
For example, you may call Joe and say “Joe, I want to read to you my notes from the day. I am feeling really tempted and here’s what I wrote down _____. Can you help me make sense of this? I really need your support right now”
By communicating with your allies/accountability partners throughout the week, you will notice greater direction, hope, and stability.
- Get some healthy habits in your life
What do you enjoy doing that lights you up with passion, energy, and a zest for life? Start putting more time into those things. While simply replacing your habits is not the be all end all solution to quitting porn, it is an important part of enjoying your life. To demonstrate, when you go to the gym, you also want to eat better quality food. In addition, you may start to sleep earlier and choose to go for a walk over binging Netflix. All and all, your actions matter, every single one. So start making choices that you know you can be proud of.
To plan healthy habits read this: Taking care of yourself is a key step to quitting porn
“Not every action succeeds, but nobody succeeds without a plan”
Creating a plan is vital to enjoying the recovery journey of quitting porn. If you can be sure of yourself and what you will do when temptation comes, you will set yourself to experience a sense of freedom. Even though you will get tempted, proactively planning for such moments will limit any anxiety and fear of re-lapsing.
When I work to help my clients quit porn, I help them through a few exercises that are all about planning ahead. To get you started in the right direction if becoming a planner, you can ask yourself a few questions:
- “What do I really need in moments of temptation? Where can I get that?”
- “What will I do when I am tempted to watch porn?”
- “Who will I call for support?”
- “Why does all of this matter to me?”
#3: Get immersed in purposeful community
Ted Roberts of Pure Desire says “We get hurt in community and we get healed in a community”
A community can be found in many different places. Even though we are talking about recovery and quitting porn, the community itself does not have to be focused entirely on those topics. With that being said, I will advocate for a healthy recovery community, but will not limit it to that by any means.
Your goal should be to get around people who are encouraging, inspiring, and supportive. Much like your accountability partners/allies, this community should be a place where you can be fully known and fully loved.
Secret Habit is here to help you on your journey to quitting porn:
At Secret Habit, we want to add value with our proven and effective support. Check out our porn addiction help page and see how we can help you on your journey to victory. There you will see our All In One Recovery System To Quit Porn
By focusing on the present moment, you will experience a sense of joy, peace, excitement, and passion that helps you see every day as an opportunity rather than a struggle.
