How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

Written by Helena Bonneteau

March 24, 2020

It’s hard to escape the constant intake of COVID-19 updates, government decisions, and precautions we are supposed to take… TV, Social Media, News apps, Radio, etc, all offer us what we do need to know, but they also offer us negativity that we don’t need to be taking in. The constant intake of hysteria, chaos, fear, lockdowns, number of infected people, and whatever else we see, is causing our bodies damage, and we must take note of this truth.

 

This pandemic is a lot more than just a virus that we either need to avoid or one that we must ensure we don’t spread… We need to be aware that this pandemic can also be a breeding ground for addiction, mental health issues, and a wide variety of painful physical symptoms. You have likely heard the old saying “stress kills”? Well, because of the constant stress most of us are currently living in, the thoughts, the feelings, the actions, and the lives we are living may seem out of our control… When we begin to feel this way, the very feeling of being out of control may drive us to feel even more stress.

When we begin to live a life that seems out of control, some of the main emotions we may feel are anger, fear, and anxiety. These 3 emotions are major catalysts to the stressors we deal with each and every day. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, because there is an obvious heightening of emotions, its easy to feel even more out of control than ever before. The way one reacts to such emotions is a key factor in how healthy they are able to be. If someone is a naturally fearful person, the stress they would be going through in this time may be astronomical… If you are the kind of person who always imagines the worst-case scenario, always wants to control the situation, can’t rest until they know all the details, and whatever else comes with living in fear, then you are probably struggling a lot with this current season of life. If our whole day revolves around “what if”, we will be living in constant stress, and this very stress is what can cause damage to our bodies much worse than the COVID-19 virus.

When the mind is sick, meaning, it naturally thinks negative thoughts, it gives into negative emotions, and it acts out of pain/reaction, it will inevitably lead to a sick body. When I say “body”, this includes the brain, and when I say “mind” I am talking about the workings of the brain. If you took a second and evaluated yourself since COVID-19 hit the news, is it possible that you have more tension in your neck? Are you are sleeping less? Maybe you have had headaches? Or maybe you find yourself relapsing into an addiction again and again? This is what happens when the mind is stressed and the body begins to react. There is a lot to be said about how the body reacts to stress… I won’t get into all of that in this short blog, but make sure you check into the resources I offer at the end. Gabor Mate is an expert in this field, and one his main findings is that the childhood trauma we carry into our adult lives is a key factor as to why we live stressful, bogged down lives. Its situations such as COVID-19 that re-trigger the trauma and cause us to feel the pain, but in ways unlike before.

I have had my fair share of physical symptoms in my lifetime that were able to be traced back to being 100% psychological, and stress-related. I used to have such debilitating Carpal Tunnel (or so I was told) that I wore braces most of the day, couldn’t do my own dishes and had trouble sleeping… I used to wear glasses, orthotics, knee braces, and I struggled to wear a necktie to work because the tightness around my neck would cause me so much pain I could not bear it… These, and many more painful symptoms caused me grief, but to make a long story short, I wanted to share with you that I have lived a life of subconscious stress, and it was miserable… yes, I still have stress, and it does lead to different types of physical pain at times, but I now realize that it’s my body’s way of telling me something is wrong internally and that it is not an injury or a problem that needs physical attention.

I know some of this can be touchy, but its clear when reading from people like Gabor Mate and Dr Sarno (Founder of “TMS”) that this is all very real. Not only does the stress affect our bodies, but it can begin to affect our minds as well. If you’re in constant pain from different stressors, not only is your life ruled by this stress, but your body is now working in a deficit… Sadly, the pain you will feel physically will lead to you feeling it emotionally. This can lead to depression, isolation, self hatred, restlessness, and much more. There has been an influx of mental health issues over the years, and I wonder if a pandemic such as right now will be a catalyst for more cases than ever? These are the types of questions we have to be asking because when we ask, we can shed light that there are answers and things can make sense.

I want to take a moment and tie this into how all of this can lead people into beginning, or furthering their addictions such as pornography. Simply put, porn, and other addictions, are actually nothing more than symptoms. One may watch porn because they long for something more than the stress, anger, fear, or defeatism they feel… In such emotional states, porn becomes the coping mechanism to numb the longing for more because one likely has no idea how to find this so called “more” they need. Bringing this full circle to COVID-19, one may feel the stress of the situation, internalize these stressors, long for relief, but seek it in the wrong places such as pornography. I know its a big idea, but if you think about it, it truly does make sense…

Let’s go back to the “stress kills” quote for a quick second – Do you believe this is true? If so, then this all makes sense, if not, pick up a book or a resource recommended below and my guess is that you may think otherwise. Remember, the word “kill” doesn’t have to mean sudden death, it can mean slow deterioration of things that are good and healthy… This my friends is exactly what’s happening.

 

If you’re in constant pain from different stressors, not only is your life ruled by this stress, but your body is now working in a deficit… Sadly, the pain you will feel physically will lead to you feeling it emotionally. This can lead to depression, isolation, self hatred, restlessness, and much more.

 

5 tips on what you can do today
to take care of your mental and physical health:

  • Journal out the negative and replace it with truth:

When you write out the thoughts and feelings on paper, you get to see them for what they are, lies. Make it a practice to write out your thoughts and feelings each morning, and each evening so that you can see how things shift throughout the day. The second piece to this exercise is to counter the lies you are thinking/feeling with truth. Ask yourself, “What is something true that I can believe today?” – You may write down a scripture, a motivational quote, an encouraging word someone once gave you. Whatever it is, ensure that it is believable, positive, and true, and you will start to fill your mind with what’s right and dilute what is wrong.

 

  • Assess yourself:

Something that is so important to do is to evaluate and assess. Heres the reality – Something has to happen for us to have an injury and feel REAL physical pain, and if we are dealing with emotional pain, we can actually trace it back to where it may have come from. If you feel some pain, some depression, something at all today, stop and ask yourself “Where could this be coming from?”… Maybe your back started hurting in the morning because you went to bed angry? Maybe your knee has been hurting but you didn’t do anything to hurt it? Or maybe you have some sort of issue but Doctors have said: “There’s nothing else we can do”? All our pains and problems are to be assessed so that we can live a healthy life of truth and exit the life of stress and lies.

 

  • Speak to yourself, rather than listen:

When you listen to yourself, you are listening to all the negativity of your subconscious mind. To take control of your life and live in a healthy state during this COVID-19 pandemic, and for the rest of your life, you need to begin talking to yourself. Tell yourself how and what you want to think – This is referred to as “thought coaching” and it is crucial to you getting out of the routine you may stuck in. Combine this with your journaling and you will be well on your way to starting the day and ending the day on a healthy note.

 

  • ACTUALLY take care of yourself:

When the body speaks, it is doing so for a reason. It may speak through painful physical or emotional symptoms as I had already explained, or it may speak in the opposite way, through healthy and affirming symptoms. I want to encourage you to begin taking care of yourself, and to do that, you need to understand what that even means! Check out this blog I wrote for some more depth to this subject… For now, lets talk about what to do:

You need to learn what is actually fulfilling to you, what is actually pleasuring to you, and what is actually something you like, but never do for yourself… This does not have to invoice money, going places, live entertainment or whatever else your mind may initially think of. The world we live in has made sex, food, and mental stimulation our “go-to” for pleasure, but honestly, ask yourself, is it pleasure? Do you feel better after? Its time to find a handful of things you love to do, and give yourself the grace to do them when you need a break, earned a reward, or have a day off. Give your mind and body the pleasure it deserves!

 

  • Get yourself connected:

I know, it seems hard to connect right now due to COVID-19… But hey, the online world is loaded with places to connect! You can use forums, group chats, video calls, and so much more to stay connected. In your situation, it will be worth getting connected to the right communities, ones that are beneficial to your specific situation. If your body and/or mind is full of pain, an example of a fantastic forum would be the TMS Wiki Forum which is linked below. This is a place where you can read amazing stories of healing, get better informed on the practises, and post whatever you want to get yourself involved in the community. There are Facebook groups, Reddit groups, Church live streams, etc to get involved with, you just need to take the first step and say hi 🙂

 

 

 

Bonus resources:


Ps, You can also find Gabor Mate on several podcasts which I have found to be profound in my studies.

We are here to help:
At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. We are happy to offer resource recommendations, access to our programs, and even mentoring if we are available. Please reach out if you are in need of help, we will do what we can to ensure you leave with something concrete to begin doing so you can find the freedom you deserve
PPS:

Stay tuned for more blogs and videos to help you during the COVID-19 pandemic. Obviously these teachings are relevant all the time, but they are even more needed in this time! We are happy to answer any questions you may have or point you in the right direction to get further help with your specific need.


Disclaimer:
I am not an expert, simply someone with a story, a passion, and a desire to educate. I am sharing knowledge that I have taken from others such as Gabor Mate and Dr Sarno and I hope that you would seek them out as well. I want to note that not everything is psychological… It may sound like I am pinpointing that in my writing but I am certainly not. You must get checked by a doctor if you think something could be more severe, but keep in mind, doctors are in the business of selling drugs and making money too… That is why this is groundbreaking because our bodies can often tell us much more than a doctor.

Journal out the negative and replace it with truth

When you write out the thoughts and feelings on paper, you get to see them for what they are, lies. Make it a practice to write out your thoughts and feelings each morning, and each evening so that you can see how things shift throughout the day. The second piece to this exercise is to counter the lies you are thinking/feeling with truth. Ask yourself, “What is something true that I can believe today?” – You may write down a scripture, a motivational quote, an encouraging word someone once gave you. Whatever it is, ensure that it is believable, positive, and true, and you will start to fill your mind with what’s right and dilute what is wrong.

 

Related Articles

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

It’ s also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”

Stay Up to Date With The Latest News & Updates

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you and your spouse want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button bellow

Join Our Newsletter

Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

March 24, 2020

If your life has been shaken by the COVID-19 pandemic, and your work has transitioned to a home office, you may be waking up with new struggles that you have never experienced before… One of those struggles is likely the temptation to numb, and one of the “go-to” coping mechanisms in such situations is internet pornography.

 

Why would someone look to numb in such a time, isn’t working from home the best thing since sliced bread? Well, working from home has its perks, but it can cause some serious emotions to flare up from triggers we may not be used to feeling during a common workday. With all the news feeds jammed full of updates on how bad things are looking, its easy to feel a sense of overwhelm in this season of life.

When I say “emotional flare-up”, what I mean is that you now have so much more to deal with, likely, without knowing it. You have to be self-motivated, focused on the work task at hand, on a strict schedule to have a work-life balance, able to work solo without community, and one of the hardest things – distancing yourself from family so you can get work done, but all the while being in the same house.

There are many more struggles that come with working from home, but lets just focus in on what they can all lead to – Negative thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that can lead to a desire to numb.

These desires to numb mixed in with the shocking stats of how many people are watching porn regularly inevitably equal an increase in porn addiction… How so? Well, when someone is experiencing new emotional triggers (from being home from work), they may feel angry, fearful, purposeless, bored, and/or overwhelmed… These are all root emotions that often lead people to seeking out and watching porn.

Why does this matter? Because if you are working from home, you likely have more things to do each day (at work and around the house), topped with a greater pressure to perform, all the while having more time to be left alone with your computer to get into unhealthy things such as porn or tempting social media posts with nobody to hold you accountable.

When I say “emotional flare-up”, what I mean is that you now have so much more to deal with, likely, without knowing it. You have to be self-motivated, focused on the work task at hand, on a strict schedule to have a work-life balance, able to work solo without community, and one of the hardest things – distancing yourself from family so you can get work done, but all the while being in the same house.


Here are 4 tips to help you stay focused and
healthy while working from home:

  • Set yourself up for success:

Now is the time to plan, not for how much food you need to outlast the coronavirus, but planning how you are going to combat the emotions that may drive you to watch porn and relapse… I would recommend having a daily plan that you set up the night prior so you are ready and prepared as soon as you wake up.
You may have some key things planned such as your morning routine, a set work schedule, a healthy exercise in between, your meal plan, a healthy stress reviver if the day gets hard, a chance to see your family, and so on… Being motivated by a purpose will help keep you from getting to the point of feeling the burn to numb. It will also be wise to plan your evenings, or off work hours, especially the ones where you may be tempted by boredom or lack of anything “better” to do. Getting to bed at a regular time will be incredibly helpful in ensuring you don’t get caught up in being up late looking at things you know are going to be detrimental to your life.

It would also be a good idea to get yourself some accountability. Not because accountability is the answer to overcoming pornography, but because it adds a layer of protection that you likely had built in while at work. Here is a link to Covenant Eyes, which is in my opinion, a top notch resource for not only web filtering but for screen monitoring and total accountability with all things you view. You are going to want to talk to a few trusted friends of the same gender and have them become your “allies”. Now, these people aren’t just there for you to tell when you relapse… Find yourself a couple of key people who you know will ask you about the deeper issue behind why you sought out porn instead of a healthy alternative…

 

  • Take care of yourself:

We live in a culture that has lost its understanding of what pleasure truly is… Think about this for a moment, maybe you worked hard all day, hit a goal, accomplished something important, so you choose to “celebrate” with something that actually makes you feel sick… Sex, porn, alcohol, food, sugar, etc… These have become the norm in the world of pleasure today, but really, are they pleasuring?
In this season of COVID-19, I want to challenge you to truly take care of yourself. As you are working from home, you will likely hit goals, accomplish things, feel the need to celebrate or let off some steam… This is the time to ask yourself the question, “What would be authentically pleasuring to me right now?”. You may be surprised to learn that the things we often do for “pleasure” are actually trash compared to what we truly want/need. “Authentic pleasure” is fulfilling, but so often, we seek “pleasure” that is so far from what we actually want/need because we are numbing something below the surface.

So its time to take care of yourself because you deserve so much better than trash. You deserve to feel authentic pleasure and you deserve to experience the fulfilment it brings. Try a walk around the park with your favourite music, have a hot bath with some epsom salts, watch something funny on YouTube and laugh, try making an exotic meal and enjoy the gift of making something new, buy a comfy office chair so you are reminded that you love yourself every time you sit on it, etc… there are so many things that will actually bring authentic pleasure if we just think to ourselves “What is actually going to fulfil me right now”.

 

  • Identify your triggers:

What really sets you off? Are there certain circumstances that cause you more stress, strain, anxiety, or fear than other ones? It would be wise to take some time to write the triggers that send you into an emotional tailspin. Sure, some of them may be tough circumstances that seem justifiable, and some may past trauma getting brought back up, but some may simply be a revealing that you have an unhealthy outlook on life… Its so important to do this so you can live proactively, rather than living in reaction.

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

 

  • Change how you react to your triggers:

To piggyback off of the last point, here are the steps to changing how you react.

Begin with the negative – Write out your triggers, what you think after the trigger, how these thoughts make you feel, and then what these feelings lead you to do. Then, take some time and visualize and write out a positive response to the trigger… To change the response, you would begin with creating a positive thought, then imagine what that thought would make you feel like, then think about how that would lead you to act. Begin putting this into practice now by reviewing past situations where you didn’t react so well, so that the next time that trigger occurs, you will be prepared to respond differently.

 

We are here to help:
At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. We are happy to offer resource recommendations, access to our programs, and even mentoring if we are available. Please reach out if you are in need of help, we will do what we can to ensure you leave with something concrete to begin doing so you can find the freedom you deserve

As you may see, our take on helping someone overcome pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it – This is why Secret Habit exists and I hope you have found this blog helpful… we truly care and that’s why we do what we do

PS:
Stay tuned for more blogs and videos to help you during the COVID-19 pandemic. Obviously these teachings are relevant all the time, but they are even more needed in this time! We are happy to answer any questions you may have, or point you in the right direction to get further help with your specific need.

Change the way you react to triggers.. 

Write out your triggers, what you think after the trigger, how these thoughts make you feel, and then what these feelings lead you to do. Then, take some time and visualize and write out a positive response to the trigger… To change the response, you would begin with creating a positive thought, then imagine what that thought would make you feel like, then think about how that would lead you to act.

Related Articles

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

It’ s also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

March 24, 2020


Like most of us, COVID-19 has caused some tremendous change in our everyday life. You may be feeling emotions, experiencing things, and dealing with situations you have never had to deal with before… When our world gets turned upside down, sometimes we do too. This may look very different for each and every one of us, but let’s focus in on one of the greatest attacks that you need to fight during this pandemic, and no, its has nothing to do with toilet paper, I am talking about the attack from the porn industry.

Amidst all of this chaos, you may be feeling tempted to act out in ways that you know are not healthy… Being stuck at home, off of work, or even sick in quarantine can be recipes for boredom, lack of purpose, fear, and several other triggering thoughts and emotions. With porn websites giving out free access to their content that normally comes with a cost, and the news feeds being full of hysteria and fear, it’s easy to find yourself falling into a state of relapse with no idea what to do.

COVID-19 is a virus that will make you sick with respiratory issues for a relatively short period of time if you are in the 92% or so of people that recover. However, what the news is not telling you is that the repercussions of something like COVID-19 include shame, guilt, self-hatred, anger, self-objectification, addiction, defeatism and so much more. No, I am not blaming COVID-19 for this…But, what I am doing is I am choosing to do my part to ensure you are aware that in times of high stress, isolation, boredom, and uncertainty, bad things inevitably happen.


Let’s take the rest of the time to focus in on pornography addiction and understand why the COVID-19 pandemic may be causing you to relapse. Some of the main triggers to someone falling into porn and getting stuck in a binge cycle include a lack of purpose, boredom, fear, anger, defeatism, shame, and many more. When considering why someone is addicted to porn, its also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”…

 

No, I am not blaming COVID-19 for this…But, what I am doing is,
I am choosing to do my part to ensure you are aware that in times of high stress, isolation, boredom, and uncertainty, bad things inevitably happen.

Let’s look at 3 reasons why someone may be stuck in relapse during this COVID-19 season of life:

 

  • Unidentified Triggers:

As I mentioned in the beginning, you may be dealing with things right now like never before. This alone can bring up a lot of turmoil, pain, and trauma that has never been dealt with in your life. These wounds can come from all sorts of experiences in life but some examples may be your upbringing, an abuse, or a loss you have experienced. When there are things such as the COVID-19 pandemic that are so far out of our control, it can often reveal things about us that we may not have been aware of previously. I want to encourage you to see this as a positive because it is your heart longing to find what it truly needs, and let me tell you, porn is most definitely not what it needs.

 

  • Garbage in, garbage out: 

We can look at the body as a perfect example of a return on investment… If you eat McDonald’s, it may taste good for the time being, but let’s be honest, it will slow you down, cause weight issues, and actually deteriorate your health in the long run. On the other hand, if you eat something with the right macros, you will feel energized and alert and will experience long term health benefits. There are many more examples of this, but there’s only one question I have for you – “Why do you treat yourself like a trash can if you know what it leads to?”. I know, it’s not as easy as it sounds, but it is simple. I want to reframe your mind and help you think differently! One of the things that you are likely taking in that is causing you to relapse is too much social media. Not only is it negative in this season due to fear, hysteria, and uncertainty, but its also full of sexual images, temptation, and a display of how your life is worse than everyone else… This is garbage in, which will always lead to garbage out.

 

  • The wrong recipe:

If you are stuck at home, working from home, quarantined, or whatever else, and you do not have a plan for how you will seek what is good and healthy over what is negative and unhealthy, then you are in trouble! The old saying is “If you aim for nothing, you will hit it” and unfortunately, the worlds “nothing” is addiction, obesity, and so on. You MUST have a battle plan to combat these tough times. If your recipe is blank then your finished product will be non-existent, and if your recipe has the wrong ingredients than your finished product is going to be a fail. Don’t let this be you, please do your due diligence and plan for success… Im not saying its easy, but I am saying its worth it!
 

 

Healthy tip and take away:

Talk to yourself, THEN listen… So often we listen to ourselves when we need to be speaking to ourselves. If you feel a certain way, its because you are thinking a certain way! Our thoughts control everything, not our circumstances, and not our feelings, it’s all about our thoughts! So how do you change your thoughts? Well, you need to talk to yourself and speak truth, encouragement, compassion, and the facts. This will begin to change the way you think and if you feel yourself going back to the lie, the fear, or the pessimism, reel it back in and speak to yourself again and again. This exercise truly works wonders and it’s something I want to leave with you as you step into the reality of what is going on and what you can do about it.

 

 

We are here to help:

At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. We are happy to offer resource recommendations, access to our programs, and even mentoring if we are available. Please reach out if you are in need of help, we will do what we can to ensure you leave with something concrete to begin doing so you can stop relapsing and start living.

 

PS:
Stay tuned for more blogs and videos to help you during the COVID-19 pandemic. Obviously these teachings are relevant all the time, but they are even more needed in this time! We are happy to answer any questions you may have or point you in the right direction to get further help with your specific need. 

Talk to yourself, THEN listen…

 

Our thoughts control everything, not our circumstances, and not our feelings, it’s all about our thoughts! So how do you change your thoughts? Well, you need to talk to yourself and speak truth, encouragement, compassion, and the facts. This will begin to change the way you think and if you feel yourself going back to the lie, the fear, or the pessimism, reel it back in and speak to yourself again and again. This exercise truly works wonders and it’s something I want to leave with you as you step into the reality of what is going on and what you can do about it.

Related Articles

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

It’ s also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 30, 2019

To truly heal from pornography addiction, you need to seek health and freedom, not just recovery
 
What does this mean?
 
Well, let’s look at an example of someone who has “recovered” and someone who has “healed”
 
The “Dry Drunk” is the one who has recovered because he found sobriety: This person may have been sober for say 20 years BUT still calls himself an “addict”. Let’s use an alcoholic for an example here – The reason they would still say “I am an addict” is that the moment they get a drop of alcohol on their tongue they would be right back to their destructive drinking habits. The reason for this is they have deeper problems than just drinking alcohol. The problem goes as deep as our root wounds and sometimes that is much deeper than we may want to go… 
 
Someone who is “Healthy” is typically the one who has found what most desire, FREEDOM from their addiction: This person would be the one who was willing to do the deep work to get into their root wounds and heal from the inside out. They move past avoiding the habit and move into finding out why they seek the habit in the first place. This is what builds the foundation to becoming a healthy, aware, and forward-focused individually who is on their way to total health and freedom, not just recovery!
 
 
Heres an analogy to help you understand the root wounds and why they are so important to go from “recovery” to “healthy”
 
It may not be the most obvious example but onions are a great comparison here: Like onions, humans have many layers to their emotional self. You may think that our physical porn habit is the problem when truthfully, the issue may be that your Father never said “I love you” and was always working. Deep issues such as this can lead you to feel unloved, abandoned and even worthless. These are the very emotions and incidents that would drive someone to seek porn and other addictions. When this is the case, you need to get “beneath the layers” and work on what’s really bothering you and causing you to act out… Because if you dont, you will simply be left to avoid the habit and find sobriety when total health and freedom are 100% available to you!
 
How can you move into seeking “health and freedom” and not just “recovery?
 
1 – One of the most important habits one can get into when seeking total health and not just recovery is “self-care”
Check out this blog I wrote on self-care during to help you begin to implement it in your recovery disciplines. This will certainly be a game-changer and something that can single handily lead to greater clarity and healing on your journey to freedom.
 
2 – Learning how to get into your heart, not just your head: To be able to truly heal, you need to learn how to get into what is driving your addiction and desire to numb. Ask yourself questions such as:
 
  • What am I running from right now?
  • What am I trying to numb with porn?
  • What am I feeling that causes me to clock out?

Someone who is “Healthy” is typically the one who has found what most desire, FREEDOM from their addiction: This person would be the one who was willing to do the deep work to get into their root wounds and heal from the inside out. They move past avoiding the habit and move into finding out why they seek the habit in the first place. This is what builds the foundation to becoming a healthy, aware, and forward-focused individually who is on their way to total health and freedom, not just recovery!

These answers will lead you to a place of awareness, which then leads you to a decision to make… Do you want to truly heal? Because if you do, then then the work you are going to have to do will require some depth. Its time to take this to the next notch and begin asking questions that get below the surface, into the difficult times of your life.
 
3 – Find a mentor to help you see where you are settling for less: To use the same brain that got you into your addiction to try and get out of it seems a bit crazy does it not? Well, it is… Its actually a paraphrased definition of insanity 
 
A Mentor is someone much greater than an accountability partner. Having someone to truly guide you to where they have been is going to be key to this journey to total health and freedom. To have someone who knows the common emotional issues, the practical steps, the twists and turns, and most of all, the result that you are seeking will be the exact piece to this puzzle that you need.
 
A mentor can be someone you know through your Church, a local organization, or even a friend that you look up to – Just make sure they have walked the walk and can help you through your journey. 
 
If you don’t have someone such as this, feel free to reach out to Shawn or Helena – This is what we are Certified in, passionate about, and called to do. Check out Shawn’s and Helena’s story here to see who we are, what we are all about, and how we went from trial to triumph

A Mentor is someone much greater than an accountability partner. Having someone to truly guide you to where they have been is going to be key to this journey to total health and freedom.

To have someone who knows the common emotional issues, the practical steps, the twists and turns, and most of all, the result that you are seeking will be the exact piece to this puzzle that you need.

Related Articles

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

It’ s also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are there some people in your life that you have really hurt by what you have done?
 
Are you feeling like you let your spouse down? God down? and even yourself down?
 
Well, I was there and I can relate if you are in that spot right now. I know the feeling and it can be devastating…
 
For me, It was a deep shame that I had let my Wife down and had also led her into a world of future pain. To know that this affected my Wife, my God, and myself was something I was finally not ok with… The crazy thing about it is the small steps proved to be the greatest of steps.
 
I spent so many years trying to quit porn, to then relapse with even more porn, to then try new strategies to quit porn all over again, to then only have them fail and bring me back to the start. This cycle had me so frustrated!
 
Have you ever been in this cycle? It sucks!
So I started to change my heart and mind towards quitting. I realized this was a battle that had more to do with my heart and my beliefs than my behaviours.
Let’s look at what it took from the perspective of the heart… aka, the Limbic System*
 
With My Wife
* I gave her reasons to trust me – I know it would hard to deal with… A spouse that is freaking out because they now know the deep dark truth. I was blessed to have a supportive Wife but things I did and would absolutely recommend would be to take ownership and realize that if she is angry, sad, or avoiding, she has every right to do so. This shouldn’t stop you from showing her/him you are committed! I personally started reading, joining groups, seeking the Lord, and showing her my love and was blessed with a positive response.
 
* I realized that feelings follow actions – When she was angry, sad, or avoiding me, I decided to put into practice one challenging quote I had heard before “Feelings follow actions”. So what does that mean? It means that I would be kind, I would help, I would love, I would do whatever my emotions didn’t really want to do… Amazingly, I always felt better and I know it was vital in her seeing me truly change
 
With Myself
 
* I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it. I committed myself to be accountable, reliable, and consistent while on the path to freedom. This was not easy, nor should it be… but man oh man is it ever rewarding!
 
* I started to see what porn was doing to my life as a whole – To see from a bird’s eye view the damage that porn had done in my life… My marriage, self-image, confidence, relationships, views, lies, wounds and so on and so on, was terrifying. To think as a young punk that porn is fun and would one day be unnecessary and replaced by sex is a lie! I began to journal, read, reflect, ask questions, and speak to myself with positive self talk. These all made me even more aware of how deeply I was wounded.
 
There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all
Self-care is often left out because one may feel as if they don’t “deserve” it. Or maybe they feel they don’t need it…
With God
* “I don’t want to mess up and miss out on Gods blessings”– I started thinking about how much He wanted to bless me. But like any good Father, you don’t enable your Kid’s by supplying them the best of the best if they disobey with complete knowledge of what they are doing!
 
* “He has already forgiven me, He must really love me” – Since turning 22 and turning my life over to Christ I really didn’t understand this forgiveness thing… It took me up until getting free from porn to start feeling an overwhelming sense of gratefulness that started to, in the healthiest way, consume me. I was bubbly, joyful and full of life every time I thought about the work Christ did and was doing in me and it’s still an ongoing work He has done with me
Everyone has a different story but I truly believe these can be put into practice by anyone! 
 
Please realize this is an inward battle and a battle of the mind!
 
-Take ownership today for your struggle
-Start taking the small steps right now to rebuild relationships
-Fight the good fight with us towards true freedom
 
*Video on the Limbic system – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jYvgrGPfqI

 

I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

 

I committed myself to be accountable, reliable, and consistent while on the path to freedom. This was not easy, nor should it be… but man oh man is it ever rewarding!

Related Articles

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

It’ s also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are you feeling the weight of sexual pressure due to erectile dysfunction?

Struggling with Erectile Dysfunction has become an epidemic in the lives of men today. With pornography so readily available, heavy doses of stress in our everyday lives, and Doctors diagnosing physical symptoms prior to examining psychological symptoms, we are seeing an uprising in men of all ages dealing with this phenomenon called “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction” (aka “PIED”)

 

What is Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction?
In simple terms, when the penis cannot get hard enough to have intercourse, Erectile Dysfunction (aka “ED”) is diagnosed. When we look at “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction”, the nature of this diagnosis confirms that it is related to one’s porn addiction and is then a sure problem of the mind, not the body.

As it says in Ephesians 6:12  “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

 

This means that there is much more below the surface as to why we struggle to get and stay hard… let’s look at why this may be happening to so many men today. 
Why does Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction happen?

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn. 

 

The brain is much more powerful than most of us know. To help you better understand your struggles with PIED, here are 3 key things happening in your brain:
  • Dopamine – Dopamine is a chemical that is released when you anticipate something you want. When you have sexual expectations, you are anticipating them to be met which then shoots a dose of “feel-good juice” into your brain. This seems to be a never-failing plan when there is endless porn available at the click of a button… but how about when we are talking about real life? 
Basically, if you watch porn and your expectations are set to what happens in a porn video, your partner will NEVER match up. When your sexual expectations, no matter how healthy or unhealthy they are, go unmet, you will experience a dopamine shortage which equates to weak erections.
  • Sensitization –  This can also be known as “Premature ejaculation” which may be a more common term to you. When the brain becomes “sensitized”, you will notice a major shift in your arousal. Becoming much like the dogs in Pavlov’s experiment, the brain will become aroused by specific sounds, smells, emotions, etc… 
If these specific sensations come from porn or experience around porn, then you will ALWAYS struggle to get aroused by our partner… The brain literally rewires itself to enjoy only what gives it the most dopamine.
  • Desensitization – This term is also known as “Delayed Ejaculation” and may be referred to as “Tolerance”. In layman’s terms – You need harder, more shocking arousal to get turned on, you crave more but enjoy less, and you feel no pleasure from healthy sex… Doesn’t this sound terrible! Well, this is what porn is doing to those who continue to watch it day in and day out. 

When you get to the point of craving more, but enjoying less, you come to face to face with the reality that your partners cannot satisfy, and really, you don’t know if anything can. This hinders dopamine and other healthy chemicals such as adrenaline, which then leads to your struggles with Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction.

 

What goes on inside a man struggling with Porn-induced erectile Dysfunction?

When a man, such as yourself, is battling Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction, you are likely wondering if anyone understands your horrific situation… Well, I do. Let me share a quick bit to help you understand that you are not alone in this.

 

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn. 

As a married man, I looked at myself as someone who should finally be fulfilled. I had Christ, I was newly married to a beautiful Wife, and I was finally able to stay porn free for a few months. Things were really looking good for someone who had been hopelessly addicted to porn. After the wedding and a few sober months from porn, I realized very quickly, after this sort of nirvana washed away, that my life had a new challenge. This was something I google diagnosed as “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction”. I gulped as I quickly realized I was dealing with the effects of porn in a greater way than ever before. Without porn as my scapegoat, and out of terror of hurting my wife, I began trying to force myself to get hard every time we would have sex. This only leads to great despair as I began to feel worthless and incapable, and she started feeling unattractive and unsatisfied. As things got worse, I realized I was falling into a pit of total despair, leaving my wife to make sense of it all for herself. I felt so much pressure, guilt, doubt, anxiety, self-hatred, and worst of all distance from my Wife…

If my story sounds familiar and you are experiencing anything as I had, I want to assure you that you are in the right place. No matter if you are single, married, divorced, young, old, shy, or confident… This fast-spreading problem of PIED that has gripped you is not something you need to struggle with any longer! The steps that I took to heal can go much deeper for some and they may be simpler for others. All you need to know is if I healed, why can’t you? If others have seen the benefits and are now enjoying healthy sexual intimacy, why can’t you?

 

To see the 3 steps you can take to cure your porn-induced erectile dysfunction, please click here.
This was a blog Shawn did as a guest on their website so to see the full post, we must direct you to their website.

When you get to the point of craving more, but enjoying less, you come to face to face with the reality that your partners cannot satisfy, and really, you don’t know if anything can.

This hinders dopamine and other healthy chemicals such as adrenaline, which then leads to your struggles with Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction.

Related Articles

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

It’ s also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media