What to do when porn is in your marriage?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Has your porn addiction caused a problem in your marriage?
What would you give to have a marriage with NO PORN!?

It’s time to win back the sex life, intimacy, and trust you and your Spouse deserve!

I want to bring HOPE to those who:

1. Currently, have porn affecting their marriage – The abuser could be you or your spouse… regardless of who it is, there is hope for you! I have personally been the abuser and I watched how my Wife handled my addiction with such grace.

2- Had porn affect their marriage in the past – Maybe porn and masturbation are no longer problems but the lingering effects of them are…

3- Are scared of porn being in their marriage but are unsure of how to handle it – Maybe you sense there is porn in the home but you are afraid to confront the issue… We will talk about some things that will inspire you to have that conversation

Porn can destroy a marriage long before the ring is purchased:

Prior – There can be a real sense of unawareness of how bad things really can get… It’s easy to think you can quit porn no problem once you are married… It’s just NOT TRUE.

Engaged – Major pressure builds when the ring goes on but the porn is still streaming… There is an extremely heavy weight that sits on your shoulders when you say “I love you” to your Fiancee when there’s another love you have behind the scenes.

Married – The Wedding band goes on but nothing changes… This is where the ultimate shame cycle begins…

Porn in the Marriage bed affects:
Check out Terry Crews talking about his addiction HERE

Intimacy – This is the most precious part of the marriage… it was created to be beautiful by God Almighty! When you are getting instant gratification from porn it’s hard to “recharge” quick enough to then gratify your spouse. This will ruin pride in a heartbeat and I do not wish this for anyone… IT SUCKS

Desire – How can you desire porn and your spouse? I remember watching porn and masturbating the night before to then have my Wife ask me in the morning “how do I look”? Even if she looked great, which she did! It was so hard to desire her because I was selfishly getting my fix alone at night.

Affection – I personally found it difficult to be grateful for what my Wife would do. I am sure you notice this… It’s hard to be touchy, joyful, cute, silly, whatever else with your spouse. Guilt and shame kick in and you realize that porn CRUSHES closeness

 

Seek help – My Wife trusted me most when I went spent time in my Bible and in prayer, went to support groups, saw a counsellor, and sought out mentorship. I recommend these things as absolutely necessary things to grow trust and of course, get free!

If porn is in your marriage, here are some steps you can take to bring healing:

-Take Ownership – You need to realize that your struggle has created an emotional wound for your spouse. This happening should not change anything in the way you treat them. It is your fault, no matter how sad the story may be…

-Love more than you have ever loved before – Do not let your spouse’s emotions towards betrayal change the way you love them! I know its hard to love more when they may cry, feel down, and even blame (It’s fair for them to do so) but this is the time to show the truest form of unconditional love that they deserve.

-Seek help – My Wife trusted me most when I went spent time in my Bible and in prayer, went to support groups, saw a counsellor, and sought out mentorship. I recommend these things as absolutely necessary things to grow trust and of course, get free!

*Be sure to reach out if you want further help on these steps. Obviously, these go much deeper than just awareness… Get in touch HERE and lets chat about some of the steps you can take to work this plan

Love more than you have ever loved before 

 

Do not let your spouse’s emotions towards betrayal change the way you love them! I know its hard to love more when they may cry, feel down, and even blame (It’s fair for them to do so) but this is the time to show the truest form of unconditional love that they deserve.

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