What to expect in the first 90 days after quitting porn
Most men today are completely lost when it comes to healing from porn. They’re left to the white knuckle, manage their lust, and throw mud against the wall hoping something will finally work. The reality is that the first 90 days of recovery are tough! It can feel impossible to make it through these days when your body is experiencing withdrawals that cause pain and discomfort. But what if these days were just part of the process? What if the withdrawals and discomforts were a sign that you were healing?
Well, that's why I created this resource. These first 90 days of recovery require a deep understanding, awareness, game plan, and forward outlook to be able to overcome them. It's the only way you will be able to push through the pain and discomfort and say no to porn and masturbation as you detox and recalibrate your mind, body, and brain. This is what lays the foundation for men to experience lasting freedom from porn.
When you finally understand that in the first 90 days of recovery your body is going through a “detox”, you will be able to rationalize the pain and see it as a stepping stone to better days. This opens your mind up to resiliency and perseverance because you begin to look forward to what's to come rather than what's happening right now.
Get ready to learn about:
- What's going on inside your brain, body, and mind (and how they’re different)
- What you can expect to experience and feel as you move through the stages
- The mindset shifts sobriety requires
- Simple daily and weekly action steps to help you move through each stage.
- How to look ahead to better days so you can get through anything today
Helping you move through the 4 stages of porn recovery:
The 4 stages of recovery are built on the foundation of sobriety, meaning that when you take action to quit watching porn (and for the best results, masturbation also) you will begin day one of sobriety and enter into stage one. When this happens, you’re officially in the “recovery process”. This process in itself takes PATIENCE! 90 days may not seem like a long time, but when you’re in the thick of it, it can feel like an eternity. This is why I have added mindset shifts and action steps for you along the way - These are in place to help you make good choices when you sense yourself getting impatient. So man, take this one day at a time, setting your eyes on the reward of getting through these 4 stages so you can experience the peace that comes when your brain, mind, and body begin to heal! Ref:
PS: If you relapse along the way of the 4 stages, you’re not a failure! However, you will begin again at stage one. If this happens, it's best to tell someone you trust, learn from the mistake, pick yourself up and go at it again. I promise that it does get a little bit easier each time if you follow these simple steps.
Understanding The Brain & The Mind
As you read, you will notice that I separate the brain and the mind. It's because they are different entities and both play a significant role on their own and in partnership. here's a simple breakdown of each one to clear up any possible confusion.
The Mind:
- Our consciousness, aka. The place of intellect and thought
- Not a physical thing
- Uses the brain by drawing information that has been stored in the subconscious
- Developed through changing beliefs and thoughts
The Brain
- Physical complex organ
- Controls our body
- Responds and forms to the information given by the mind
- Developed through changing your mind and behaviors
To learn more about how pornography rewires the brain, check out: Your Brain On Porn and/or Episode 22 of the Secret Habit podcast
Stage One: “Shock”: 1-3 weeks after quitting porn
Mindset: Follow the facts that you’re in the heavy days of the initial detoxing. Every day you feel the burn is another day your brain is recalibrating to the new normal
When you quit porn, your brain stops getting the unnatural dopamine surge it's used to. Because of this, your ability to function as your “normal” self will be hindered for a few weeks. When this happens, you need to know that it's okay to feel “off” and that your experiences are not dangerous. Don't let your brain or body lie to you. Your brain is going into shock because of the lack of dopamine, but at the same time, something good is happening - The brain is working to recalibrate itself to the new dopamine levels.
What Porn Addiction Symptoms To Expect in the Shock Stage (1 - 3 weeks):
- Irritability – You will likely find that the smallest thing set you off. It's almost as if you are “hangry”. This is a normal response to the discomfort as your brain dips below its expected dopamine level.
- Emotional Rollercoaster – Because the brain is in shock, but at the same time, working to recalibrate, your emotions will be an up-and-down ride. Just like anybody going through refinement, you can accept this as normal and move through the ups and down as if you’re surfing the waves.
- Tension – It is common to experience stress responses such as headaches, body aches, and tightness all over the body. When this happens, you are being given a physical sign that you just need to take it easy and give yourself extra grace
- Stress – This can play out as anxiety, fear, guilt, avoidance, and other crippling emotions/feelings. When you feel the weight of stress coming on, this is a great time to breathe and journal what's on your mind.
- Temptation – You may have memories, flashbacks, or fantasies about pornography you have consumed or pornography you would want to consume. You may even have sexual (wet) dreams. These are great times to call a brother and share what's going on so you can be supported and prayed over
- Insomnia - You have likely gotten so used to experiencing an orgasm before bed that your body is waiting for its “release” so it can “rest”. You need to hold onto the reality that you will truly rest when you no longer “need” an orgasm to feel good. This is an important time to purge what's on your mind, release it to God and get whatever rest that you can.
When you are experiencing any of these Stage One challenges, it's so important to slow down, realize what's happening and accept the fact that this is part of the recovery process. You’re allowing your brain the space it needs to heal, it's just that the healing will feel pain before it feels good. Don't let that get you down, you can do it!
Remember: “Short-term loss for long-term gain”
BE ON ALERT: The “Shock Stage” Craving
One of the hardest milestones for an addict to hit is getting out of the “shock stage” (1 -3 weeks). This is because it feels intense, unfamiliar, and incredibly uncomfortable right when you think you’re doing pretty well. This is the “shock stage craving” that can derail the best of us.
In most cases, the craving comes around day 7, but it can come on day 5 or even day 21. It may last one day, but it can last several days too. Regardless, it's crucial that you’re aware of it. Scripture says pride comes before the fall! Don't get prideful of how good you’re doing. Keep your mind focused on the facts and realize that you can handle this onslaught because you know that short-term loss and pain will lead to long-term gain and victory.
Your Job: Expect it, plan for it and overcome it
But how do you do that? Here are 3 tips to ensure you’re prepared for the shock stage of craving
-Pinpoint the potential threats: Being clear on the threat is the only way to overcome it! The best sports teams study the other team so they can best attack and defend.
What could cause you to relapse? (Think about your triggers)
When might it happen? (Think about when are you often the weakest)
Who may influence this? (Think about people who “set you off” or cause you to shut down)
How may your guard be down? (Think of ways you may get prideful or weak)
-Gameplan what you will do when you feel tempted: After naming the threats, create a plan of action that will get you through the fiery trial and into the next day.
What will you do? (Think of things that bring you joy, fulfillment and reassurance)
Who will you call? (Have a few safe people on speed dial)
Where will you go? (Changing your environment is really helpful)
-Tell 2-3 people: It is critical that you share your threats and game plan with 2 others so they can pray for you, keep you accountable, and be prepared to answer a call when you need them.
Who can you tell about the threats and your plans? (Tell them about your “shock stage craving” gameplan)
Confirm with them that you can call them anytime you need their support
Encouraging Scripture: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
- Mindset shifts during stage one:
- “Everything I am feeling right now is part of the process of healing”
- “I am becoming a man who is free from porn one step at a time”
- “Every day I get through is another day closer to freedom”
- Action steps to help you during stage one:
- Make a commitment statement (Ex. “I am committed to getting through stage one no matter how hard it gets because I want to be free from porn. When it feels hard, I will call Brian, go for a walk and journal about my thoughts)
- Deep breathing when stressed
- Get moving: plan times at the gym, running, playing a sport
- Take a hot bath and rest your mind
- Journal/internal inventory + releasing prayer
- Shut off your phone at 9 pm
Encouraging Testimony:
"Before joining Secret Habit, I felt controlled by my emotions and susceptible to temptations like pornography. I was stuck in a pattern of bondage that I didn't want anymore. When I heard about Secret Habit, I took a leap of faith by admitting to myself that I needed help to change. Through mentoring, which lasted over a 5 month period and lots of arduous work to discover the meaning behind my emotional suffering, I was able to break free. Today, my emotions do not govern my unwanted behaviour. I have been equipped with an understanding of my past and the tools to work through each situation. I am excited to share my good news by letting others know that we do not have to resign ourselves to being controlled in this way. There is freedom in understanding why we fall into temptation. Every aspect of my life is stronger because of Secret Habit."
Joe Dipenta
Stage Two: “Test”: 2-8 weeks after quitting porn
Mindset: Follow the facts that you’re well into your detox and you’re developing the character that lasting freedom requires
Because your brain is learning to function on a much lower dose of dopamine, in stage two, you're going to experience what is called “flatlining”. Flatlining is where you just feel dull and often discouraged. It's the classic “withdrawal symptom” everyone experiences when they give up an addiction of any kind.
The good news here is that your brain is continuing to recalibrate to the new normal, one day at a time. A lot of people want their journey to freedom from porn to feel awesome, but that's just not how it works when the brain needs time to detox and rewire. So with this knowledge, I encourage you to stick it out and get through the short-term pain of stage two so you can experience the long-term gain of freedom!
What To Expect in the Porn Addiction Withdrawal "Test" Stage (2 - 8 weeks):
- Low Energy – Be ready for much lower energy than you’re used to having. In this stage, you will feel sluggish and tired. When this happens, plan for extra time to rest and get lots of fresh air.
- Brain Fog – Efficiency will be challenging in this stage due to fatigue, tiredness, and lack of focus. Be prepared for tasks to take longer than normal. Because this can hit us, men, right in our pride, it's important to process what is really happening and come to the conclusion that it's only temporary
- Social Awkwardness....................... >
The rest of Stage 2 and the full breakdown of these stages — and how to get through them — are inside the free 90-day withdrawal guide.
