In this blog, Helena and I will explore the topic of orgasm and its importance in a healthy sexual relationship. Our personal experience led us to the topic, and we discovered that many women face difficulties in achieving orgasm, often leading to feelings of shame and fear. This blog will cover our personal story, research findings, and tips to help couples achieve a fulfilling sex life.
You can listen to our podcast on the same topic.
In particular, this blog will cover:
- Our Challenge with having Intense Orgasm
- Overcoming masturbation and inability to orgasm
- The Challenge of Unrealistic Expectations
- The Role of Pride in Sexual Relationships
- The Importance of Setting Boundaries
- The Biology of Female Sexuality
- Male and Female Sexualities are Different
- The Role of Communication
- Tips for a Fulfilling Sex Life
Before getting started, Helena and I would like to go over what orgasm and pornography are.
What is an orgasm?
According to Cleveland Clinic, orgasm is the height or peak of sexual arousal when the body releases sexual tension and pressure. It involves very intense feelings of pleasure in your genitals and throughout your body.
What is pornography?
Here according to ResearchGate, pornography is best defined as a medium, such as a picture, video, or text, that is intended to be treated as sexually arousing (Rea, 2001)
Signs that you are addicted to porn
Now that we have cleared that out of the way, let us dive into our personal struggles with having a healthy sexual orgasm as partners.
Our Challenge with having Intense Orgasm
Early in our relationship, Helena and I faced difficulties in achieving female orgasms. Our experience was not uncommon, and many women face the same challenges. Our research led us to discover that many women pretend to orgasm out of fear of hurting their partner’s feelings or being judged.
We realized that pornography played a significant role in our struggles. Pornography is a pervasive and influential industry that shapes the sexual expectations of many people, particularly young couples. People learn from pornography, but it is essential to recognize that pornography is not an accurate representation of real-life sex. The confusion arises when I began to equate my sexual experiences with what I see in pornography. This confusion leads to unrealistic expectations, particularly for women, who may struggle to communicate their needs and preferences in the bedroom.
The media often portrays sex in unrealistic ways that do not reflect individual differences in biology and personal preferences. We found that men often hold onto these stereotypes and assume that what they see in porn is what women want. However, each woman is unique, and understanding their biology and personal preferences is essential to a fulfilling sexual relationship.
If you are struggling with porn addiction, read this article from Shawn.
Overcoming masturbation and inability to orgasm
It’s important to note that masturbation has a lot of stigma and shame attached to it. There are varying opinions on whether it is sin or not and if it’s healthy or not. This can make it difficult to feel comfortable discussing masturbation or seeking help if you’re struggling to orgasm during sex. What’s most important is to discern what the Holy Spirit is saying to you about masturbation and to be able to agree with your spouse if it’s healthy or not between the two of you.
Helena struggled with masturbation during our first year of marriage because of my indulgence in porn and that affected her ability to orgasm. And I needed to rebuild our trust in each other. The inability to orgasm as a woman is a common issue that many women face, and it’s important to understand that it’s not something to be ashamed of.
One way to overcome this issue is to talk openly and honestly about it with your partner. It can be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s important to remember that sex is a normal and healthy part of any relationship. If you’re struggling to orgasm during sex it’s vital that you follow some of the steps in this article or the podcast episode shared above to help you begin talking about the underlying problems.
The Challenge of Unrealistic Expectations
Pornography can create unrealistic expectations when it comes to sexual experiences. For example, men may expect that women will always be ready and willing to have sex, or that they will be able to perform for extended periods. These expectations can lead to frustration and disappointment, causing sexual relationships to suffer. Recognizing and challenging these expectations is essential in improving sexual relationships and creating more fulfilling sexual experiences.
Pride in Sexual Relationships
Pride is another significant factor when it comes to pornography and sexual relationships. Pride can prevent individuals from realizing the negative impact that pornography has on their lives. For example, a man may feel proud of his sexual performance because he learned from pornography. However, this pride can lead to unrealistic expectations, causing frustration and dissatisfaction in sexual relationships. Overcoming pride is a crucial step in improving sexual relationships, as it allows individuals to be more open to new experiences and to learn from their partners.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries:
It can be challenging for women to express their sexual preferences and boundaries, particularly when they feel pressure to conform to what is seen in pornography. However, setting boundaries is crucial to ensure that sexual experiences are enjoyable and safe for everyone involved. Communicating what one likes and dislikes is essential to creating a healthy sexual relationship. It is important to recognize that everyone’s preferences are different, and it is okay not to enjoy certain things seen in pornography.
The Biology of Female Sexuality
Understanding female biology is crucial in improving sexual relationships. Many people may not understand the physical aspects of sex, leading to confusion and frustration. Understanding the body of your partner can help individuals have more fulfilling sexual experiences, as they can learn to focus on areas that provide the most pleasure.
The clitoris is a highly sensitive organ located outside the vagina, and many women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. However, because of the way that sex is often portrayed in porn, many people may not be aware of the importance of clitoral stimulation in female sexual pleasure.
Male and Female Sexualities are Different
Every woman’s body is different, and this extends to sexual preferences and desires. For instance, women take much longer to orgasm than men, and the clitoris is a crucial part of female sexual pleasure. However, many people are unaware of this, and this leads to unrealistic expectations and confusion about what women enjoy in the bedroom. What works for one person may not work for another.
Women, in particular, may feel pressured to conform to what they see in pornography. It is therefore essential to have open and honest conversations with sexual partners to understand their preferences and needs fully. By doing so, couples can work together to find what works best for both partners and ensure that both individuals are satisfied and comfortable in their intimate relationships.
The Role of Communication
Healthy relationships are built on open and honest communication. This is especially important when it comes to sexual relationships. Partners should feel comfortable discussing their needs and desires, without fear of judgment or rejection. Unfortunately, the use of pornography can make it difficult to have these conversations. Partners may feel embarrassed or ashamed to discuss their preferences or may feel that their desires are abnormal or unacceptable.
Tips for a Fulfilling Sex Life
From our personal experience, we learned that the key to achieving a fulfilling sex life is communication and understanding. Couples need to communicate openly and honestly about their sexual preferences and desires. They must also understand that each partner is unique and has different needs and porn can come in the way of experiencing healthy sexual pleasure.
Seeing God’s design for sexuality and growing in the communication of what is in the way of living it out is essential to developing a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship.
Men need to take the time to understand their partner’s biology and preferences. Pornography is not a reliable source of information, and men should not assume that what they see in porn is what women want. They should also be patient and take their time to explore their partner’s body and find out what brings them pleasure.
Women need to communicate their desires openly and honestly. They should not be afraid to tell their partner if they are not enjoying the sexual experience or if they need more time to achieve orgasm. Women should also be patient with themselves and their partners and understand that achieving orgasm takes time and trust.
Conclusion
Achieving a fulfilling sex life requires communication, understanding, and patience. Our personal experience and research findings show that many women struggle to achieve orgasm, often leading to feelings of shame and fear. However, couples can overcome these challenges by communicating openly and honestly, understanding each other’s biology and preferences, overcoming porn, and being patient and supportive. By doing so, couples can experience the beautiful climax that God created for one flesh couple to enjoy together.
If you need help overcoming porn addiction, you can explore our free resources.
