How to stop porn and shame from affecting your life?

Shawn Bonneteau Porn Addiction Coach

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

October 6, 2022

How to stop watching porn, men enjoying freedom

 

How to stop porn from affecting my life, when my core beliefs are rotten?

Faulty Core Beliefs are like the roots of a tree that produces rotten fruit… The roots dictate the quality of fruit. Sadly, our belief system is developed in our formative years of life, meaning, when we’re young… yet, they have a lifelong impact that can keep us in bondage.
 

In our recent podcast episode,  we dig into what core beliefs are, why they matter to us learning to stop watchingporn and what we can do to make them new. This is all built on the fact that in Jesus we are all given the power to be renewed, redeemed and transformed! We believe His power is our only hope when it comes to the deep seeded roots that need His healing touch.

In this jam-packed episode, we talk about:

– The difference between thoughts and beliefs

– The difference between shame and guilt

– The most common faulty core beliefs we hear from the clients we work with

– How to define the lies, beliefs and influences in your life

– The 6 step prayer to help you pinpoint, uproot and renew your belief system

– Agreeing with truth on a regular basis

– How this all ties into unwanted sexual behaviours, betrayal trauma and how to stop watchingporn

 

LISTEN TO THE PODCAST EPISODE: How to stop porn from affecting my life?

That’s why this is so important, because when we get to the root and renew it and heal, it then allows it to produce good fruit, like our life is a tree, and we then produce fruit from that tree that is good. But when our negative core beliefs are unhealthy, ungodly, the root is rotten and it actually produces rotten fruit.

Transcribed Podcast unpacking how understanding our core beliefs make a huge difference to stopping porn and relieving shame we might feel:

Shawn:
Right now there are a lot of people, including us, who are just going through a tough season with the world that we’re living in. And that’s why we want to talk today about faulty core beliefs, which could also be called ungodly core beliefs. And this was inspired by many sessions that I’ve been doing with clients lately on that lesson in my coaching, but specifically a free call I offered to a guy last week, we hopped on for 30 minutes and I brought him through the lesson that I bring guys through on basically removing negative core beliefs and renewing them through the power of God’s word, the remnant God’s word. And it was so powerful what happened in that 30 minutes that he even said that he wished when he hired a coach last year that he knew about me. And that wasn’t about me, that was about the power of Christ. And I’ve just been given some awesome tools to facilitate guys through that. And actually it was from a retreat hunt and I went to a couple of years ago. But that’s what we’re talking about today. We’re talking about faulty core beliefs and how to get a new core belief system because that is what gets irritated or triggered so often when we go through hard things.

So what do you think about that, honey? You’re excited about this topic?

Helena:

I’m so excited because, you know, when trauma that are in just really huge pain right now that are going through difficult marriage issues, this is a big topic as well. And so I think this just can relate to anybody and everybody because there are lies and beliefs that we really need to become aware of and grow an awareness too. And so I’m really excited to talk about this today because Sean and I actually in the midst of just kind of wondering what are our hours right now? What is really going on beneath the surface and that is really influencing our walk today, to have clarity, to have calmness and peace and understanding of where we are going. So yeah, this is just relatable to anybody and everybody, I think. But especially if you’re going through heart season, I’m really looking forward to talk about this and bring some clarity into helping you navigate the season of you might be in.

Shawn

Yeah, absolutely. So in terms of where this comes from and why it’s important, it comes from a retreat that Helen and I went to two years ago and that dug really deep into pinpointing negative core beliefs, faulty core beliefs, and renewing them through the Lord’s power and word. And we’re really inspired by that. And that’s been something that I’ve done with clients ever since because it was so powerful. Why it matters is because at the root of everything, of our thought life and everything that we do as people is actually our core belief system. And really, if we don’t have a core belief system that is built on truth, the truth of God, then every day we’re going to be fighting and battling our posture of our heart and our mind with Christ. The goal of renewing our core belief system is to actually have a posture that is already open to Christ, that is already firm on standing on truth. Of course, it doesn’t mean it’s always perfect. And I’ll share a little bit about how that’s played out in my life and why this season has been specifically challenging and what negative core beliefs are bumping up against the truth.

But that’s why this is so important, because when we get to the root and renew it and heal, it then allows it to produce good fruit, like our life is a tree, and we then produce fruit from that tree that is good. But when our negative core beliefs are unhealthy, ungodly, the root is rotten and it actually produces rotten fruit. And Helen, you’re a big believer in advocate of our thought life, thought coaching. So how do you see this playing into how we deal with our thoughts? Through things like journaling and thought coaching?

Helena:

Yeah, I think I’m just going to explain this a little bit. I think people ask the question, what are the differences between thoughts and beliefs? So a thought is just a sentence that is playing out in your head, I believe is just a thought that you’ve repeated over and over and over again. So it really digs deep into the memorizing and it just goes into the core of our understanding, our values or everything because we just repeat it. So imagine that you’re rehearsing something. As soon as you’re going to rehearse something for the longest song, you are going to see it everywhere. You’re going to think it everywhere and just feel it everywhere because you’ve rehearsed something, you’ve repeated something. So this is just a little bit of an overview of what is the difference between thought and I believe. So imagine you have a sentence in your mind that you’re rehearsing over and over again. Obviously, there are core beliefs that are beautiful, they’re Godgiven, they’re from the Lord, the core beliefs. And the sentence in our head that is not God given, that is not and is usually from the enemy or is from the influence of this world that is unhelpful to us, doesn’t produce and is not helpful to our life.

And it’s like Shaun is saying, you can most times see the negative core belief within the way it produces fruit. It’s rotten. And so if it’s a rotten core belief, it’s going to have it’s going to feel that way as well.

Shawn:

Can I give a quick example?

I’ll get a little bit more into this after, but just so it makes a lot of sense as they’re listening, because what you’re saying is so good, like a negative core belief, a faulty core belief for me is that I am unsuccessful. So that is an identity I am statement, which is what our belief system is made up of. And then the thought that really became something that I rehearsed and agreed with over time was, nothing I do ever works. And when that thought runs through my head, it’s so easy to go into defeat mode. I just thought maybe that could be helpful for your example. Just, oh, wow, I guess that’s how it looks. What you’re saying is so good.

Helena

Well, I appreciate that, babe. That was a really great add in. And just an example, and I was just wondering about what, when it comes to a thought and a belief.

How do I know that it is a belief? 100%? How does it look like? Can you maybe point out an example?

Shawn:

Yeah. So what I talked to my clients about, and this is really what has worked for me as I’ve wrestled with this, prayed over it and looked at what other guys are going through, is I talk about our thoughts are much easier to pinpoint and figure out, but ultimately our thoughts are more of a description of our negative core beliefs or faulty core beliefs. So, as an example, someone might say I’ll just use mine as an example. Nothing I ever do ever works. That could very well be thought of as a negative core belief, but ultimately that is describing a negative core belief, because negative core beliefs go deep into our belief system, which has to do with our identity. When we talk about our identity, in most cases they’re going to be I am statements and that’s where the enemy hits us hard, because Shame says that I am a failure. God’s Grace says that you did something wrong, you made a mistake. They’re totally different. So that lie, that thought is nothing I ever do works. That for me, boils down to I am a failure or I am unsuccessful. That might be a different trigger word depending on the person, but that’s really how I decipher the two.

And I really talk to guys. Usually there’s like two to five really heavy core beliefs that men struggle with and then there can be an array of 20 to 30, literally to 50 different thoughts that describe those negative core beliefs and it’s really using the thoughts to boil them down to what is that I am statement there? Because I’ve had guys list off ten thoughts that are all different but they all boil down to I am flawed, I am damaged, I am a failure. And that’s at the heart of these core beliefs. Because if your core belief is I am a failure, then everything you do in your life is going to be trying to prove that that’s not true or living in the fact that that’s true. And that’s why we need to pinpoint them so that we can break the…………..

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FINNISH THE PODCAST BY LISTENING HOW TO STOPWATCHING PORN HERE:

 

To summarize:

The good news, your unhealthy core beliefs can be changed. Past influences in your life can be removed from their power with the right posture toward your story. In closing, I want to encourage you that this takes time, patience, and compassion, but every ounce of effort you put in will reap that much of a harvest. In conclusion, you are not a victim any longer.

Credit to Restoring The Foundation Ministries where we learned the concept of unhealthy core beliefs and renewing of our minds with God-given beautiful beliefs.

If you are looking for more info on how to stopwathing porn: You can go to my other article where I talk about How To Stop Watching Porn While Working From Home

 

We know this can be challenging to work on alone. We have been through the ups and downs of story healing and have helped many others. Furthermore, we offer coaching, help, and support for porn addiction.

Because if your core belief is I am a failure, then everything you do in your life is going to be trying to prove that that’s not true or living in the fact that that’s true. And that’s why we need to pinpoint them so that we can break the cycle.

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