August 14, 2019
Would you believe that taking care of yourself was a crucial step in lasting freedom from porn?
We all have God-given passions and talents to be used. Personally, I feel much better when I spend time doing what I love to do. Therefore, wouldn’t it be wise if we invested time into our passions as a foundation to our life, rather than spend time on them only as a reward?
When we practice self-care, we’re not only doing what fills us, but we are filling ourselves up so we can offer our best to the world around us. When we feel good and make a difference in others’ lives, it feels amazing!
How taking care of yourself fills you up so you can pour out:
When you decide to take 30 minutes in the morning and hit the gym, don’t you feel exponentially better? It’s amazing how something so small can reap such massive rewards. On the contrary, if you wake up and go right to work, then hit the gym afterward, it’s easy to feel as if it’s more of a chore. I am not saying this is everyone’s take, but in my experience, this is definitely the norm. Those who invest in what they love before they go through the day end up feeling better, doing better, and living better.
This practice of taking care of yourself does not have to be difficult. The very idea of self-care is just that, caring for yourself. It is also known as self-compassion and self-love. To practice this daily, it’s important to free up some time that suits you best. Many people choose the morning so they start their day feeling full and energized. From such a state, it becomes more and more natural to give to others throughout your day. For example, you may offer compliments to co-workers when normally you wouldn’t even notice. It becomes fun when your mind clears up and you see the world differently, all from taking care of yourself!
A common barrier to self-care:
Sometimes people say they “don’t deserve” to take care of themselves. Consequently, their life will reflect such an attitude. While, on the surface, they may justify why they think such a thing, deep down, their souls are longing for a necessary fill. When this happens, only truly caring for oneself will offer such a refill. To overcome the battle of unworthiness, there are some deeper-rooted issues that need to be uprooted. However, to put it simply, you must take a good hard look at your life and see that you can’t afford not to take the time for self-care any longer.
“SEEDS” for taking care of yourself:
- Social Contact
To best explain each step of self-care from “seeds”, I will share the negative outcome if it is not taken seriously, and the positive outcome if it is. To illustrate, I will share how the lacking habits work against you, and how the on-track habits work for you.
“The Lacking Habits” of taking care of yourself:
When one ignores the connection, they welcome isolation. This becomes the breeding ground for shame, faulty core beliefs, and lies from the enemy. To lock your addiction inside is like locking an elephant in a smart car… It will not end well. This route leads to further isolation, deeper addiction, and much worse consequences.
One caveat: You may be an introvert, and that’s certainly ok. Ultimately, introverts refresh and recharge when alone, but this does not mean they are to always be alone. Taking care of yourself will take a balance of both.
They say you are what you read/learn. Well, if you are arent learning anything good and spending all day filling your mind with junk like porn, then according to that saying, you are not heading in the best direction… When you neglect to learn about things such as your passions, helpful steps to recovery, reading about others’ freedom, and finding things that motivate you to quit porn, it makes it nearly impossible to feel like you could actually quit one day.
When you are, for lack of better words, “lazy”, your mind functions differently. The feeling of guilt is very real when you know you “should be” taking better care of yourself but don’t. When we treat ourselves with a laze, it ends up taking over our entire being. This is to say, we miss out on healthy dopamine and stress relief. When we neglect self-care, we are neglecting healthy habits that can take over for things such as porn and masturbation.
We could all imagine a comic of a Mom saying to her son “You are what you eat”, as he turns into a candy bar with eyes. On a more serious note, what we fill out bodies with matters! While nobody is going to eat perfectly healthy all the time, we do need to understand that what we choose to fuel ourselves with ends up dictating parts of our life. For example, when we eat food that keeps us hungry or makes us tired, we often look for ways to numb out. Ultimately, If you are going to fill your body with junk then you are going to get unsatisfactory results until you decide to make a change.
I have heard it and sadly iv believed it… “You have to grind to accomplish big things” or how about “You can sleep when you’re dead”. Its sayings like these that I believe are burning down humanity! Sleep is an absolutely integral part of taking care of yourself. In addition, it’s a huge key to any recovery process (such as from porn). I have heard it said that when we get somewhere under 6 hours of sleep for a few nights in a row, we function as if we were intoxicated. That’s scary! Furthermore, when we let our sleep dwindle to minuscule hours, our ability to stand firm in our faith and live lives of integrity is really hard. Therefore, we are going to be bombarded with temptations that lead to compulsive behavior that in the end, rob us of our precious sleep.
This practice of taking care of yourself does not have to be difficult. The very idea of self-care is just that, caring for yourself. It is also known as self-compassion and self-love.
“On Track Habits” of taking care of yourself
There’s a great quote that says “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, its connection”. I find this to be a life-changing idea and I hope it’s something that will radically change the way you see recovery. Because connection with others is what will motivate, inspire, and convict you in all aspects of your life, it’s vital to seek out the right people. To have peers going through recovery with you, to have friends who listen, and to have mentors who have walked the walk are examples of what a healthy community may look like. Ultimately, you want to surround yourself with people who help you become better, but also invite you into their lives too. This takes community to a whole new level, where it’s about pursuing purpose together and helping each other in all areas of life. With this, I am confident you will see the fruit in your life. It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.
“I never let school get in the way of my education” is a favorite quote of mine. Maybe you have a pre conceded notion about learning that has kept you from engaging further. Maybe you have tried some things before and they didn’t work, or you think you know everything already… If so, let me tell you that there is a world of knowledge you are yet to discover. In other words, when you learn what actually works, you will inevitably see results… I know because it happens with all of my clients. I believe that our approach to recovery and living a life after porn will be a game-changer for you. I say this because there is a common “school of thought”, but it’s the outside-the-box thinking that truly works. All in all, getting educated on the heart of self-care is important when it comes to recovery or when you are simply wanting to learn to take care of yourself.
You know how it goes: You get back to working out and it feels so good. The fulfillment of being physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy is grand! In other words, when your brain gets that healthy dopamine hit and the boost in blood flow, it begins to function at its prime. When your brain is in such a state and your body feels cared for, you will inevitably feel better about yourself and be more willing to take a stand for what is right. Ultimately, taking care of yourself is more than just the exercise, it’s what happens to your brain, mind, and spirit as you do it. And it is from a holistic approach like this that will have you filling up for you can pour out.
The greatest source of energy throughout the day is food. Therefore, in taking care of yourself, it’s vital that you primarily consume what serves you. Again, this is not to say you will eat perfectly, but it is to say that you must be mindful of what you eat. Self-care should involve eating what you love, but what you love may need a renovation. When you take the initiative to fuel yourself well, you will be amazed at what happens. You can expect to experience more energy, greater clarity, and deeper sleep.
When we sleep 7-8 hours a night, we are giving our bodies time to regenerate the energy it takes to live a life on purpose. I have heard it said that you prepare for tomorrow by what time you go to bed tonight. Therefore, being ahead of the 8-ball by planning your sleep schedule will reap incredible rewards. This schedule may also come with a routine of self-care. To illustrate, you may include a bedtime breathing technique, 15 minutes of bible reading, and a time of meditation and prayer Also, you will find it helpful to pre-plan what you will do in the morning. This will create anticipation and help you wake up with purpose.
Taking care of yourself can be simple. Starting with the easy-to-remember acronym “seeds” is a great way to begin. My encouragement is to start small and find your groove. Self-care is more about listening to your body than it is trying to force yourself.
If you need help on your journey, our services may be something to consider. Secret Habit helps men and women overcome sexual struggles with an effective holistic approach. We offer porn addiction coaching, erectile dysfunction help, and sexual betrayal support.
Credit: Pure Desire for the “seeds” acronym taken from the “conquer series”
Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery?
Self Care Acronym: “SEEDS”
- Social Contact
The good news, your inner critic can be changed. Past influences in your life can be removed of their power with the right posture towards your story. In closing, I want to encourage you that this takes time, patience, and compassion, but every ounce of effort you put in will reap that much of a harvest. In conclusion, you are not a victim any longer. Therefore, it’s time to break free from what has kept you bound for so long and become a victor over the past.
As you may see, our take on helping someone overcome pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it – This is why Secret Habit exists and I hope you have found this blog helpful… we truly care and that’s why we do what we do
Bringing this full circle to COVID-19, one may feel the stress of the situation, internalize these stressors, long for relief, but seek it in the wrong places such as pornography. I know its a big idea, but if you think about it, it truly does make sense…
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