5 tips to experience victory over porn addiction

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

April 28, 2020

become a victor during your loss

Victory over porn addiction amidst a challenging season

Are you struggling from a recent loss due to COVID-19? I imagine you have lost something in one way or another, and I know it can be a tough pill to swallow. If you are one of the many who are without a job and without a regular income right now, I want to speak directly to you, but this information is relevant to anyone who has experienced a loss.

A loss often leads to grief… When something completely overturns our expectations and changes normal everyday living, it can cause us to live in fear and scarcity. I know for myself, I rely on an income to get me by because I have bills to pay… I dont think you are any different. If you have lost your job and are experiencing some of the repercussions of that, I want to encourage you to keep your mind and heart above the darkness. In times likes these, we get to choose to become a victim or a victor, and we get to decide whether we will fall into addictions or if we will step into opportunities… 

 

Why is it so hard to experience victory?

In times like these, it can be so hard to think like a victor and step into opportunities, I know firsthand… The challenge often comes from a mindset of “I deserve”, “Why me?”, ’that’s not fair”, and so on… Sure, we all believe we deserve a fair outcome, but really, life is not a respecter of people, and with this, we can get dealt a hand that we may not like. This can lead someone into feeling emotions such as grief, depression, rage, fear, boredom, loneliness, anxiety and resentment. When emotions such as these are felt, its because our thoughts are revolved around being the victim. When life is hard and we react negatively as a victim, it becomes nearly impossible to think positively, to act kindly, and to be the person you know you want to be. This becomes a recipe in ones life and its the unfailing recipe that leads to addictions… 

Touching on pornography for a second, as thats our focus with Secret Habit, we see that most addicts to porn are stuck in a cycle of playing victim, they resent a certain circumstance, they begin hating others and hating themselves, and they are stuck feeling they deserve something, so they watch porn and masturbate to “get” what they thought they “needed”.

 

What is a victor?

A victor is someone who chooses to “see the glass half full”, or one who chooses to see the opportunity rather than the present circumstance. This is nothing more than a mindset, and its only when we choose to think differently about our circumstances will we be able to adopt this “victor” life stance.

But, what if I am addicted to porn right now?

Well, a victor is someone who chooses to see that this addiction is doing more damage than they had originally anticipated. When porn becomes a daily/weekly thing, it will, of course, harm you, but it will also begin to harm those around you. A victor decides to get out of denial, see the issue for what it truly is, and make the decision to say NO MORE. Fighting the battle is the beginning to winning the battle, and in my eyes, the victor is not just the one who has the victory in the end, it’s also the one who makes the right choice, to start the journey to victory today!

A victor is someone who chooses to “see the glass half full”, or one who chooses to see the opportunity rather than the present circumstance. This is nothing more than a mindset, and its only when we choose to think differently about our circumstances will we be able to adopt this “victor” life stance.

5 tips to experience victory over pornography addiction:

 

#1: Choose to be a victor, not a victim

As you have already read, there are some changes that need to be made to go from victim to victor… It is a mentality switch and it begins with you making the decision. Yes, you may think, “I have made this decision before, but it didn’t work for me” Well, most people make decisions, but have no plan in place to follow through with. What I am recommending you to do is:

 

– Make the decision

– Create a game-plan (Use Secret Habit as a resource, we are here to help)

– Refocus your thoughts

– Work the game-plan

 

#2: Focus on what you can do

It’s amazing how so many people go through life without purpose, without joy, and without an idea of why they do what they do… Well, if you have some extra time right now, like most of us do, why don’t you begin to ask some of the BIG questions in life?

 

-“What do I enjoy doing so much that I could help other people by doing it?”

-“What am I gifted in that I could turn into a vocation?”

-“What can I do today that if I do it, it will help me take the next step tomorrow?”

 

Questions like these are SO helpful! In this season right now, questions like these may be the key to you finding out how you can make some money and support yourself… I know that would be a game-changer for most of you! This is also a fantastic time to start learning something new, which could definitely be a part of you becoming an expert in the field of your passion. Take the time to get excited about learning! To learn something of purpose is one of the most fulfilling things on this earth.

A quick story to share what happened with me: When I started Secret Habit, I knew I wanted to help people, I knew I had a story of freedom from porn, and I knew that not many people were helping in the area of porn addiction. It would NEVER have been my first choice of “what I wanted to do” but what I realized really quickly is that when I worked on Secret Habit, I was more fulfilled than any other time… I challenge you, in this season of uncertainty, to step into something that you were made to do!

 

#3: Be a light in the darkness

You have something to share, everyone does… I never thought that I did while growing up, but obviously, if you are reading this blog, you believe I do. What if you wrote a blog, did a livestream, wrote a song, played an instrument, started a Facebook group? There are so many ways you can be a light in this time where people are stuck at home, afraid, and unsure of what to do. So again, its a good time to ask the questions that need to be asked and unleash the passion and gifts inside of you. 

When you begin to work in an area of purpose, its incredible how you will almost automatically become a victor! Its true time and time again, when someone has purpose in life, they will start to become free from the shackles in their life, and this is how people quit things such as pornography… If something such as a purpose begins to serve you and fill that hole in your heart, the things that you previously used to numb the hole actually become unnecessary, and you outgrow the need for them.

 

#4: Be aware of what triggers you 

When we are in a place of emotional strain, we will begin to be triggered by circumstances going on in our lives. The circumstance of you losing your job is only a circumstance, but what it does to you may be destructive…. Be aware of what is going on inside your mind before it traps you in the cycle of negativity, leading to falling into the victim role. It would be wise to take some time to write the triggers that send you into an emotional tailspin. Sure, some of them may be tough circumstances that seem justifiable, and some may have past trauma getting brought back up, but some may simply be a revealing that you have an unhealthy outlook on life… Its so important to do this so you can live proactively, rather than living in reaction. 

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel rage?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed in such a short period of time.

 

#5: Stay Connected

You are likely feeling isolated, regardless if you have COVID-19 or not, being forced into isolation is a challenge. This season can lead to a lack of connection, but sadly, if we’re not proactive, it may lead to a new habit of being disconnected.… As humans, we were created for connection and without it, our hearts grow weary… Ask yourself “What are some things I can do today to start getting connected?” 

 

Here are a few examples that come to mind:

– Plan a video call with a friend

– Join or start a Reddit, Facebook, or online forum group

– Get some friends to play an online video game

– Find a language app and trade your English expertise for someone else’s first language expertise

– Learn some new games, or read a book as a group with those who you live with

 

To conclude:

As you may see, our take on helping someone experience victory over pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it – This is why Secret Habit exists and I hope you have found this blog helpful… we truly care and that’s why we do what we do

 

We are here to help you experience victory over porn addiction:

At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. Check out our service page and see how we can help you on your journey to victory. There you will see our services for porn addiction, erectile dysfunction, and sexual betrayal.

Extra resources that we have found helpful:

  • “Finish” Give yourself the gift of done – Because perfectionism often kills all good things, this book must be recommended
  • The Gifts of Imperfection – This book was a huge part of my own personal healing journey and can help one get on the right track to being their best perfectly imperfect self
  • Consider before consuming podcast – Its a unique time to really consider what we do before we do, and this podcast will be a big help in that process.
  • Your brain on porn – A great resource to help you understand what happens to a pornified brain, and to guide you to make an informed decision.

     

If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it

 

As you may see, our take on helping someone overcome pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it

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