Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery?
 
This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all
Self-care is often left out because one may feel as if they don’t “deserve” it. Or maybe they feel they don’t need it…
 

But let me tell you, the topics I am going to cover today are vital to one staying fresh, alert, and able to pursue recovery in the way it requires.

This is a self-care acronym from the Pure Desire Conquer series that I really reinstated with. Its called “SEEDS” and Its something that has stuck with me ever since:
 
Social Contact
Exercise     
Education
Diet
Sleep
 
I will split each piece of the equation and give you the negative outcome if it is not taken seriously, and the positive if it is. I call the negative the “lacking habits” and the positive the “on track habits”
 
The Lacking Habits- How these work against you to keep you watching porn, masturbating, and letting emotions fester
 
  • Social Contact – When one ignores the connection, they welcome isolation. This becomes the breeding ground for shame, faulty core beliefs, and lies from the enemy. To lock your addiction inside is like locking an elephant in a smart car… It just won’t work out well. This route leads to further isolation, deeper addiction, and much worse consequences.

  • Education – They say you are what you read. Well, if you are not reading anything good and spending all day filling your mind with porn, then you are not heading in the best direction according to that saying… When you neglect to learn the steps to recovery, reading about others freedom, and finding things that motivate you to quit porn, it makes it nearly impossible to feel like you could actually quit one day.

  • Exercise – When you are, for lack of better words “lazy” your mind works differently. The feeling of guilt is very real when you know you “should be” working out but you don’t. Low confidence and a shrinking self-image are very common when we start to compare others who “look better” than we do. The laziness we treat our body with transfers to the laziness of the mind… No healthy dopamine, no healthy stress relief, and no healthy habit to take over for the porn and masturbation habit you do have…
     
  •  Diet – Yes, we could all imagine a comic of a Mom saying “You are what you eat” to her son who has turned into a candy bar with eyes… But, to look at this with a serious tone we need to understand that when we are hungry, tired, or feeling out of shape we are often very tempted… These 3, and several more feelings or emotions can be linked directly to how we fuel our bodies. If you are going to fill your body with garbage then you will have garbage results… and this goes much further than the old gym saying. I’m talking about life and death! Your marriage, your children, your dignity which are all on the line when you play with fire.
     
  • Sleep – Iv heard it and sadly iv believed it… “Entrepreneurs sleepless” or how about “You can sleep when you’re dead”. Sleep is an absolute integral part of any healing process, especially one of the mind! When we let our sleep dwindle to a mere 5 hours a night we are letting the enemy take ownership of our mind. We are going to be tempted with feelings of exhaustion that lead to compulsive behavior and the desire to isolate which leads to binge-watching porn and a further masturbation habit.
There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all
Self-care is often left out because one may feel as if they don’t “deserve” it. Or maybe they feel they don’t need it…
On Track Habits- How these work in your favor to help you quit porn and stop masturbating

 

  • Social Contact – “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, its connection”. This quote is something that should radically change the way you see recovery. Connection with others is what will motivate, inspire, and convict you. To have peers going through recovery with you, and to have mentors who have walked the walk before is where you will want to get too. You are encouraged to get a core group of “battle buddies” and people you can trust with your life. The kind of people whom you know will help you through any trial you are facing. 

  • Education – “I never let school get in the way my education is a quote that I love! Maybe you have a pre conceded notion about learning that has kept you from engaging further, but let me tell you, to learn about how to recover will be a game changer for you. Read others stories of freedom, watch videos on how the brain changes from porn, and get inspired by tips on how to handle your temptations. With the internet and a Kindle app, the world of education is truly your oyster. 

  • Exercise – You know how it goes… You get back to working out and it feels so good; Physically, mentally, and emotionally! This comes from a healthy dopamine hit that your body craves, as well as from healthy circulation of blood flow in your brain. When you feel better about yourself you will be more willing to take a stand for what is right. When our mind is centred on a goal bigger than just “getting healthy” such as “feeding my body what it needs to live a pure life” we can see a change of heart that leads to a deeper desire to exercise. 

  • Diet  – Energy is necessary to quit porn… The greatest source of energy throughout the day is food. This is an internal and external truth that I believe needs a mindset switch. Similar to the “Exercise” goal, we need to start thinking thoughts like “I will say yes to my purity, my spouse, and my God” when you want to take the edge off with a cookie. Food feeds the mind, simple as that… When you feed the mind healthy foods, you are getting vitamins and nutrients that will help fuel you all the way to quitting porn and your masturbation habit. 

  • Sleep – When we sleep 7-8 hours a night we are giving our bodies time to regenerate the energy it takes to truly grow and change while still having the energy to other necessary things. Being ahead of the 8 ball in the morning will give you a much stronger conviction to stay pure another day. This is not only about sleep but also a healthy sleep routine to go with it. Included in this could be a bedtime breathing technique, bible reading, and meditation time. In the morning we should have something pre-planned that we are excited to do! Maybe this is a new breakfast recipe, a reading time, or a workout.
Now you have some great information to turn into inspiration. Let you mind be driven by a reason and a purpose and you will see yourself become who you truly want to be.

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery?

 

Self Care Acronym: “SEEDS”

  • Social Contact
  • Exercise     
  • Education
  • Diet
  • Sleep

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Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

My Girlfriend Caught Me Watching Porn… What Do I Do?

My Girlfriend Caught Me Watching Porn… What Do I Do?

My Girlfriend Caught Me Watching Porn… What Do I Do?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are you dating a girl that you love but are worried that your porn addiction will ruin the relationship? Do you want to quit but feel overwhelmed with how?
 
It’s time to let go of this pressure and kick this bad habit before it can really get ugly. If you want to have a thriving marriage one day then the decision to quit porn now will help make that a possibility.
You are probably asking “My girlfriend wants me to quit porn… what do I do?” Well, let me give you some context and a few things that we believe will help
 
What porn is doing behind the scenes:
 
* To you – You may find that your expectations towards what your mate “should do” have become skewed. The way that you see people, and also act around them will change as you progress with porn. This all comes from a corruption of the heart and mind – you start to see the world through the lens of a porno film…
 
* To her – In this society, most of us know porn is a struggle that could be in any relationship. When there is an addiction that gets found out, it takes your girlfriend on an emotional roller coaster. It creates insecurity, a lack of trust, and a feeling of disrespect. This is why honesty before and in dating is so important. The really sad part is that she will likely blame herself for not being “good enough” and that is the reality of how corrosive porn is.
 
* Right now – It will create a tension that could hurt your future with this potential spouse. The tension will likely be from your guilt and their lack of trust, and sadly, this often ends relationships.
 
* In the future – You will be playing with fire that will potentially cut off any future with your girlfriend. If she has any self-respect and feels that you are unwilling to change, there is no reason she should stay. Please be aware of this and realize you cannot play the victim if this happens.
  

It’s time to let go of this pressure and kick this bad habit before it can really get ugly. If you want to have a thriving marriage one day then the decision to quit porn now will help make that a possibility

Now that you know the harms, here are 4 things you can do:
 
1. Realize you are not alone – Trust yourself and others and start to believe that your story is no different from anyone else’s… If someone has victory over porn and has a great relationship, know that you can too.
 
2. Realize forgiveness is available and needed – Forgive yourself. The past is the past and the future is unwritten. God offers forgiveness to those who are ready to humble themselves. You are a man who has turned down the wrong road but you are not too far gone. Anyone who has recovered was once where you are right now, don’t forget that.
 
3. You need to talk to someone – Trust someone enough to let them show you love and support and to speak truth and correction into you. Seek someone out, find a group, or get connected to a church or organization that focuses on recovery. This is not only important but vital! To have a place to heal and grow is crucial for you. I would even recommend a place of healing for your partner if you see things becoming serious and long-term.
 
4. Take action on recovery steps – Read books, watch video’s, grow yourself, develop your mind, and change your heart! Take 15 minutes during breakfast to read, 15 minutes on your lunch break to watch a video, and finish off with 15 minutes after dinner to journal! These are so important to you healing the underlying issues.

You may find that your expectations towards what your mate “should do” have become skewed

 

You may find that your expectations towards what your mate “should do” have become skewed. The way that you see people, and also act around them will change as you progress with porn. This all comes from a corruption of the heart and mind – you start to see the world through the lens of a porno film…

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I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

What to do when porn is in your marriage?

What to do when porn is in your marriage?

What to do when porn is in your marriage?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Has your porn addiction caused a problem in your marriage?
What would you give to have a marriage with NO PORN!?

It’s time to win back the sex life, intimacy, and trust you and your Spouse deserve!

I want to bring HOPE to those who:

1. Currently, have porn affecting their marriage – The abuser could be you or your spouse… regardless of who it is, there is hope for you! I have personally been the abuser and I watched how my Wife handled my addiction with such grace.

2- Had porn affect their marriage in the past – Maybe porn and masturbation are no longer problems but the lingering effects of them are…

3- Are scared of porn being in their marriage but are unsure of how to handle it – Maybe you sense there is porn in the home but you are afraid to confront the issue… We will talk about some things that will inspire you to have that conversation

Porn can destroy a marriage long before the ring is purchased:

Prior – There can be a real sense of unawareness of how bad things really can get… It’s easy to think you can quit porn no problem once you are married… It’s just NOT TRUE.

Engaged – Major pressure builds when the ring goes on but the porn is still streaming… There is an extremely heavy weight that sits on your shoulders when you say “I love you” to your Fiancee when there’s another love you have behind the scenes.

Married – The Wedding band goes on but nothing changes… This is where the ultimate shame cycle begins…

Porn in the Marriage bed affects:
Check out Terry Crews talking about his addiction HERE

Intimacy – This is the most precious part of the marriage… it was created to be beautiful by God Almighty! When you are getting instant gratification from porn it’s hard to “recharge” quick enough to then gratify your spouse. This will ruin pride in a heartbeat and I do not wish this for anyone… IT SUCKS

Desire – How can you desire porn and your spouse? I remember watching porn and masturbating the night before to then have my Wife ask me in the morning “how do I look”? Even if she looked great, which she did! It was so hard to desire her because I was selfishly getting my fix alone at night.

Affection – I personally found it difficult to be grateful for what my Wife would do. I am sure you notice this… It’s hard to be touchy, joyful, cute, silly, whatever else with your spouse. Guilt and shame kick in and you realize that porn CRUSHES closeness

 

Seek help – My Wife trusted me most when I went spent time in my Bible and in prayer, went to support groups, saw a counsellor, and sought out mentorship. I recommend these things as absolutely necessary things to grow trust and of course, get free!

If porn is in your marriage, here are some steps you can take to bring healing:

-Take Ownership – You need to realize that your struggle has created an emotional wound for your spouse. This happening should not change anything in the way you treat them. It is your fault, no matter how sad the story may be…

-Love more than you have ever loved before – Do not let your spouse’s emotions towards betrayal change the way you love them! I know its hard to love more when they may cry, feel down, and even blame (It’s fair for them to do so) but this is the time to show the truest form of unconditional love that they deserve.

-Seek help – My Wife trusted me most when I went spent time in my Bible and in prayer, went to support groups, saw a counsellor, and sought out mentorship. I recommend these things as absolutely necessary things to grow trust and of course, get free!

*Be sure to reach out if you want further help on these steps. Obviously, these go much deeper than just awareness… Get in touch HERE and lets chat about some of the steps you can take to work this plan

Love more than you have ever loved before 

 

Do not let your spouse’s emotions towards betrayal change the way you love them! I know its hard to love more when they may cry, feel down, and even blame (It’s fair for them to do so) but this is the time to show the truest form of unconditional love that they deserve.

Related Articles

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

When we begin to enjoy our journey it sparks a fire inside us that can drive us to truly live every day. It brings on a sense of joy, peace, excitement, and passion that helps us see every day as an opportunity rather than a challenge.
 
I love this quote as it rings so true: “Maturity happens when we choose to live in reality”.
 
What may be holding one back from enjoying the journey to quitting porn?
 
* No “why” – Lacking a strong desire and reason to quit
* Fear – Lacking a game plan and running blindly towards a goal
* Anxiety – Letting doubts overwhelm you
* Bad habits – Letting these dictate your actions 
* Bad Association – Being around bad influences
* Faulty Beliefs – Letting lies consume you
* Poor Health – Mind, spirit, and body
* Negative thoughts – Giving into your default
* No Communication – Keeping things to yourself
* Lack of support – Trying to fight this battle on your own
* No Game plan – Wandering into battle without prep
Here are 3 ways to start enjoying the journey to quitting porn:
1. Have a big reason “why”:
There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you… Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason! Some questions that may help you discover your “why”:
 
* Why would you quit porn for yourself?
* Why would you quit porn for someone else?
* Why does quitting porn matter to you?
* What will change when you are porn free directly and indirectly?
  
2. Have a Game Plan
If you want to feel confident in this fight then it is time to equip yourself! I see a lot of people walking in fear of relapsing because they don’t know how to combat the temptations when they come. To feel bullet proof in your day to day fight, do these:
* Write down what triggers you – Get very specific here (Places, situations, personalities, body parts, websites, smells, fetishes, memories, words, etc.) You can call this your “Trigger Template”
           
* Keep a log of your temptations when they come – Use your phone or have a pen and notepad handy so you can jot down some details of each situation. (Ex. “5:30 pm at the mall… Feeling tempted by the girl behind the till at the clothing store. I had a frustrating day and was seeking pleasure. She was blonde, tall, and had a nice perfume on)  
 
* Have a few people you can call – We call these “accountability partners”… Choose a few people who you trust, believe, and want to follow through for. If you communicate with them throughout your days you will notice greater confidence, attitude, and desire to stay pure.
 
Get some healthy habits in your life – What do you enjoy doing that lights you up with passion, energy, and a zest for life? Start putting more time into that! When we are doing what we are meant to do, we start to turn away from unhealthy habits. Have you ever started going to the gym and at the same time, had a stronger desire to eat healthy?
 
Have a plan of action – Planning ahead and being proactive with your triggers is vital to enjoying the journey to freedom. If you can be sure of yourself when temptation comes, you will set yourself up to limit the anxiety and fear of quitting… this alone creates an attitude that is free to enjoy your life much more. Some questions to ask yourself to start setting up a game-plan maybe – What will you do when it happens? Who can you call? Where can you go?

There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you… Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason! Some questions that may help you discover your “why”:

3. Get into community
Ted Roberts says “We get hurt in community and we get healed in the community”… Getting around people who are at the beginning of their journey, who are in the same fight as you, and who is totally free from porn is going to create a new sense of passion in you. This is going to give you a sense of life when you can relate to others, be encouraged, and ask for help. This is vital and one of the most important things to have in your life each and every week – You will start to crave the community as it is so life-giving, you won’t want to miss out!

Maturity happens when we choose to live in reality

What may be holding one back from enjoying the journey to quitting porn?

Browse More Articles

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media