What to do when porn is in your marriage?

What to do when porn is in your marriage?

What to do when porn is in your marriage?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Has your porn addiction caused a problem in your marriage?
What would you give to have a marriage with NO PORN!?

It’s time to win back the sex life, intimacy, and trust you and your Spouse deserve!

I want to bring HOPE to those who:

1. Currently, have porn affecting their marriage – The abuser could be you or your spouse… regardless of who it is, there is hope for you! I have personally been the abuser and I watched how my Wife handled my addiction with such grace.

2- Had porn affect their marriage in the past – Maybe porn and masturbation are no longer problems but the lingering effects of them are…

3- Are scared of porn being in their marriage but are unsure of how to handle it – Maybe you sense there is porn in the home but you are afraid to confront the issue… We will talk about some things that will inspire you to have that conversation

Porn can destroy a marriage long before the ring is purchased:

Prior – There can be a real sense of unawareness of how bad things really can get… It’s easy to think you can quit porn no problem once you are married… It’s just NOT TRUE.

Engaged – Major pressure builds when the ring goes on but the porn is still streaming… There is an extremely heavy weight that sits on your shoulders when you say “I love you” to your Fiancee when there’s another love you have behind the scenes.

Married – The Wedding band goes on but nothing changes… This is where the ultimate shame cycle begins…

Porn in the Marriage bed affects:
Check out Terry Crews talking about his addiction HERE

Intimacy – This is the most precious part of the marriage… it was created to be beautiful by God Almighty! When you are getting instant gratification from porn it’s hard to “recharge” quick enough to then gratify your spouse. This will ruin pride in a heartbeat and I do not wish this for anyone… IT SUCKS

Desire – How can you desire porn and your spouse? I remember watching porn and masturbating the night before to then have my Wife ask me in the morning “how do I look”? Even if she looked great, which she did! It was so hard to desire her because I was selfishly getting my fix alone at night.

Affection – I personally found it difficult to be grateful for what my Wife would do. I am sure you notice this… It’s hard to be touchy, joyful, cute, silly, whatever else with your spouse. Guilt and shame kick in and you realize that porn CRUSHES closeness

 

Seek help – My Wife trusted me most when I went spent time in my Bible and in prayer, went to support groups, saw a counsellor, and sought out mentorship. I recommend these things as absolutely necessary things to grow trust and of course, get free!

If porn is in your marriage, here are some steps you can take to bring healing:

-Take Ownership – You need to realize that your struggle has created an emotional wound for your spouse. This happening should not change anything in the way you treat them. It is your fault, no matter how sad the story may be…

-Love more than you have ever loved before – Do not let your spouse’s emotions towards betrayal change the way you love them! I know its hard to love more when they may cry, feel down, and even blame (It’s fair for them to do so) but this is the time to show the truest form of unconditional love that they deserve.

-Seek help – My Wife trusted me most when I went spent time in my Bible and in prayer, went to support groups, saw a counsellor, and sought out mentorship. I recommend these things as absolutely necessary things to grow trust and of course, get free!

*Be sure to reach out if you want further help on these steps. Obviously, these go much deeper than just awareness… Get in touch HERE and lets chat about some of the steps you can take to work this plan

Love more than you have ever loved before 

 

Do not let your spouse’s emotions towards betrayal change the way you love them! I know its hard to love more when they may cry, feel down, and even blame (It’s fair for them to do so) but this is the time to show the truest form of unconditional love that they deserve.

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3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

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There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you… Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason! Some questions that may help you discover your “why”:

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3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

When we begin to enjoy our journey it sparks a fire inside us that can drive us to truly live every day. It brings on a sense of joy, peace, excitement, and passion that helps us see every day as an opportunity rather than a challenge.
 
I love this quote as it rings so true: “Maturity happens when we choose to live in reality”.
 
What may be holding one back from enjoying the journey to quitting porn?
 
* No “why” – Lacking a strong desire and reason to quit
* Fear – Lacking a game plan and running blindly towards a goal
* Anxiety – Letting doubts overwhelm you
* Bad habits – Letting these dictate your actions 
* Bad Association – Being around bad influences
* Faulty Beliefs – Letting lies consume you
* Poor Health – Mind, spirit, and body
* Negative thoughts – Giving into your default
* No Communication – Keeping things to yourself
* Lack of support – Trying to fight this battle on your own
* No Game plan – Wandering into battle without prep
Here are 3 ways to start enjoying the journey to quitting porn:
1. Have a big reason “why”:
There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you… Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason! Some questions that may help you discover your “why”:
 
* Why would you quit porn for yourself?
* Why would you quit porn for someone else?
* Why does quitting porn matter to you?
* What will change when you are porn free directly and indirectly?
  
2. Have a Game Plan
If you want to feel confident in this fight then it is time to equip yourself! I see a lot of people walking in fear of relapsing because they don’t know how to combat the temptations when they come. To feel bullet proof in your day to day fight, do these:
* Write down what triggers you – Get very specific here (Places, situations, personalities, body parts, websites, smells, fetishes, memories, words, etc.) You can call this your “Trigger Template”
           
* Keep a log of your temptations when they come – Use your phone or have a pen and notepad handy so you can jot down some details of each situation. (Ex. “5:30 pm at the mall… Feeling tempted by the girl behind the till at the clothing store. I had a frustrating day and was seeking pleasure. She was blonde, tall, and had a nice perfume on)  
 
* Have a few people you can call – We call these “accountability partners”… Choose a few people who you trust, believe, and want to follow through for. If you communicate with them throughout your days you will notice greater confidence, attitude, and desire to stay pure.
 
Get some healthy habits in your life – What do you enjoy doing that lights you up with passion, energy, and a zest for life? Start putting more time into that! When we are doing what we are meant to do, we start to turn away from unhealthy habits. Have you ever started going to the gym and at the same time, had a stronger desire to eat healthy?
 
Have a plan of action – Planning ahead and being proactive with your triggers is vital to enjoying the journey to freedom. If you can be sure of yourself when temptation comes, you will set yourself up to limit the anxiety and fear of quitting… this alone creates an attitude that is free to enjoy your life much more. Some questions to ask yourself to start setting up a game-plan maybe – What will you do when it happens? Who can you call? Where can you go?

There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you… Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason! Some questions that may help you discover your “why”:

3. Get into community
Ted Roberts says “We get hurt in community and we get healed in the community”… Getting around people who are at the beginning of their journey, who are in the same fight as you, and who is totally free from porn is going to create a new sense of passion in you. This is going to give you a sense of life when you can relate to others, be encouraged, and ask for help. This is vital and one of the most important things to have in your life each and every week – You will start to crave the community as it is so life-giving, you won’t want to miss out!

Maturity happens when we choose to live in reality

What may be holding one back from enjoying the journey to quitting porn?

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What to do when porn is in your marriage?

What to do when porn is in your marriage?

Has your porn addiction caused a problem in your marriage?
What would you give to have a marriage with NO PORN!? It’s time to win back the sex life, intimacy, and trust you and your Spouse deserve!

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

3 Tips To Enjoy The Recovery Journey

There is nothing more fun than pursuing something bigger than you… Anything that goes against the grain and against the path of least resistance will always take a strong reason! Some questions that may help you discover your “why”:

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media