Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 30, 2019

To truly heal from pornography addiction, you need to seek health and freedom, not just recovery
 
What does this mean?
 
Well, let’s look at an example of someone who has “recovered” and someone who has “healed”
 
The “Dry Drunk” is the one who has recovered because he found sobriety: This person may have been sober for say 20 years BUT still calls himself an “addict”. Let’s use an alcoholic for an example here – The reason they would still say “I am an addict” is that the moment they get a drop of alcohol on their tongue they would be right back to their destructive drinking habits. The reason for this is they have deeper problems than just drinking alcohol. The problem goes as deep as our root wounds and sometimes that is much deeper than we may want to go… 
 
Someone who is “Healthy” is typically the one who has found what most desire, FREEDOM from their addiction: This person would be the one who was willing to do the deep work to get into their root wounds and heal from the inside out. They move past avoiding the habit and move into finding out why they seek the habit in the first place. This is what builds the foundation to becoming a healthy, aware, and forward-focused individually who is on their way to total health and freedom, not just recovery!
 
 
Heres an analogy to help you understand the root wounds and why they are so important to go from “recovery” to “healthy”
 
It may not be the most obvious example but onions are a great comparison here: Like onions, humans have many layers to their emotional self. You may think that our physical porn habit is the problem when truthfully, the issue may be that your Father never said “I love you” and was always working. Deep issues such as this can lead you to feel unloved, abandoned and even worthless. These are the very emotions and incidents that would drive someone to seek porn and other addictions. When this is the case, you need to get “beneath the layers” and work on what’s really bothering you and causing you to act out… Because if you dont, you will simply be left to avoid the habit and find sobriety when total health and freedom are 100% available to you!
 
How can you move into seeking “health and freedom” and not just “recovery?
 
1 – One of the most important habits one can get into when seeking total health and not just recovery is “self-care”
Check out this blog I wrote on self-care during to help you begin to implement it in your recovery disciplines. This will certainly be a game-changer and something that can single handily lead to greater clarity and healing on your journey to freedom.
 
2 – Learning how to get into your heart, not just your head: To be able to truly heal, you need to learn how to get into what is driving your addiction and desire to numb. Ask yourself questions such as:
 
  • What am I running from right now?
  • What am I trying to numb with porn?
  • What am I feeling that causes me to clock out?

Someone who is “Healthy” is typically the one who has found what most desire, FREEDOM from their addiction: This person would be the one who was willing to do the deep work to get into their root wounds and heal from the inside out. They move past avoiding the habit and move into finding out why they seek the habit in the first place. This is what builds the foundation to becoming a healthy, aware, and forward-focused individually who is on their way to total health and freedom, not just recovery!

These answers will lead you to a place of awareness, which then leads you to a decision to make… Do you want to truly heal? Because if you do, then then the work you are going to have to do will require some depth. Its time to take this to the next notch and begin asking questions that get below the surface, into the difficult times of your life.
 
3 – Find a mentor to help you see where you are settling for less: To use the same brain that got you into your addiction to try and get out of it seems a bit crazy does it not? Well, it is… Its actually a paraphrased definition of insanity 
 
A Mentor is someone much greater than an accountability partner. Having someone to truly guide you to where they have been is going to be key to this journey to total health and freedom. To have someone who knows the common emotional issues, the practical steps, the twists and turns, and most of all, the result that you are seeking will be the exact piece to this puzzle that you need.
 
A mentor can be someone you know through your Church, a local organization, or even a friend that you look up to – Just make sure they have walked the walk and can help you through your journey. 
 
If you don’t have someone such as this, feel free to reach out to Shawn or Helena – This is what we are Certified in, passionate about, and called to do. Check out Shawn’s and Helena’s story here to see who we are, what we are all about, and how we went from trial to triumph

A Mentor is someone much greater than an accountability partner. Having someone to truly guide you to where they have been is going to be key to this journey to total health and freedom.

To have someone who knows the common emotional issues, the practical steps, the twists and turns, and most of all, the result that you are seeking will be the exact piece to this puzzle that you need.

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How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are there some people in your life that you have really hurt by what you have done?
 
Are you feeling like you let your spouse down? God down? and even yourself down?
 
Well, I was there and I can relate if you are in that spot right now. I know the feeling and it can be devastating…
 
For me, It was a deep shame that I had let my Wife down and had also led her into a world of future pain. To know that this affected my Wife, my God, and myself was something I was finally not ok with… The crazy thing about it is the small steps proved to be the greatest of steps.
 
I spent so many years trying to quit porn, to then relapse with even more porn, to then try new strategies to quit porn all over again, to then only have them fail and bring me back to the start. This cycle had me so frustrated!
 
Have you ever been in this cycle? It sucks!
So I started to change my heart and mind towards quitting. I realized this was a battle that had more to do with my heart and my beliefs than my behaviours.
Let’s look at what it took from the perspective of the heart… aka, the Limbic System*
 
With My Wife
* I gave her reasons to trust me – I know it would hard to deal with… A spouse that is freaking out because they now know the deep dark truth. I was blessed to have a supportive Wife but things I did and would absolutely recommend would be to take ownership and realize that if she is angry, sad, or avoiding, she has every right to do so. This shouldn’t stop you from showing her/him you are committed! I personally started reading, joining groups, seeking the Lord, and showing her my love and was blessed with a positive response.
 
* I realized that feelings follow actions – When she was angry, sad, or avoiding me, I decided to put into practice one challenging quote I had heard before “Feelings follow actions”. So what does that mean? It means that I would be kind, I would help, I would love, I would do whatever my emotions didn’t really want to do… Amazingly, I always felt better and I know it was vital in her seeing me truly change
 
With Myself
 
* I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it. I committed myself to be accountable, reliable, and consistent while on the path to freedom. This was not easy, nor should it be… but man oh man is it ever rewarding!
 
* I started to see what porn was doing to my life as a whole – To see from a bird’s eye view the damage that porn had done in my life… My marriage, self-image, confidence, relationships, views, lies, wounds and so on and so on, was terrifying. To think as a young punk that porn is fun and would one day be unnecessary and replaced by sex is a lie! I began to journal, read, reflect, ask questions, and speak to myself with positive self talk. These all made me even more aware of how deeply I was wounded.
 
There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all
Self-care is often left out because one may feel as if they don’t “deserve” it. Or maybe they feel they don’t need it…
With God
* “I don’t want to mess up and miss out on Gods blessings”– I started thinking about how much He wanted to bless me. But like any good Father, you don’t enable your Kid’s by supplying them the best of the best if they disobey with complete knowledge of what they are doing!
 
* “He has already forgiven me, He must really love me” – Since turning 22 and turning my life over to Christ I really didn’t understand this forgiveness thing… It took me up until getting free from porn to start feeling an overwhelming sense of gratefulness that started to, in the healthiest way, consume me. I was bubbly, joyful and full of life every time I thought about the work Christ did and was doing in me and it’s still an ongoing work He has done with me
Everyone has a different story but I truly believe these can be put into practice by anyone! 
 
Please realize this is an inward battle and a battle of the mind!
 
-Take ownership today for your struggle
-Start taking the small steps right now to rebuild relationships
-Fight the good fight with us towards true freedom
 
*Video on the Limbic system – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jYvgrGPfqI

 

I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

 

I committed myself to be accountable, reliable, and consistent while on the path to freedom. This was not easy, nor should it be… but man oh man is it ever rewarding!

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How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are you feeling the weight of sexual pressure due to erectile dysfunction?

Struggling with Erectile Dysfunction has become an epidemic in the lives of men today. With pornography so readily available, heavy doses of stress in our everyday lives, and Doctors diagnosing physical symptoms prior to examining psychological symptoms, we are seeing an uprising in men of all ages dealing with this phenomenon called “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction” (aka “PIED”)

 

What is Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction?
In simple terms, when the penis cannot get hard enough to have intercourse, Erectile Dysfunction (aka “ED”) is diagnosed. When we look at “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction”, the nature of this diagnosis confirms that it is related to one’s porn addiction and is then a sure problem of the mind, not the body.

As it says in Ephesians 6:12  “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

 

This means that there is much more below the surface as to why we struggle to get and stay hard… let’s look at why this may be happening to so many men today. 
Why does Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction happen?

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn. 

 

The brain is much more powerful than most of us know. To help you better understand your struggles with PIED, here are 3 key things happening in your brain:
  • Dopamine – Dopamine is a chemical that is released when you anticipate something you want. When you have sexual expectations, you are anticipating them to be met which then shoots a dose of “feel-good juice” into your brain. This seems to be a never-failing plan when there is endless porn available at the click of a button… but how about when we are talking about real life? 
Basically, if you watch porn and your expectations are set to what happens in a porn video, your partner will NEVER match up. When your sexual expectations, no matter how healthy or unhealthy they are, go unmet, you will experience a dopamine shortage which equates to weak erections.
  • Sensitization –  This can also be known as “Premature ejaculation” which may be a more common term to you. When the brain becomes “sensitized”, you will notice a major shift in your arousal. Becoming much like the dogs in Pavlov’s experiment, the brain will become aroused by specific sounds, smells, emotions, etc… 
If these specific sensations come from porn or experience around porn, then you will ALWAYS struggle to get aroused by our partner… The brain literally rewires itself to enjoy only what gives it the most dopamine.
  • Desensitization – This term is also known as “Delayed Ejaculation” and may be referred to as “Tolerance”. In layman’s terms – You need harder, more shocking arousal to get turned on, you crave more but enjoy less, and you feel no pleasure from healthy sex… Doesn’t this sound terrible! Well, this is what porn is doing to those who continue to watch it day in and day out. 

When you get to the point of craving more, but enjoying less, you come to face to face with the reality that your partners cannot satisfy, and really, you don’t know if anything can. This hinders dopamine and other healthy chemicals such as adrenaline, which then leads to your struggles with Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction.

 

What goes on inside a man struggling with Porn-induced erectile Dysfunction?

When a man, such as yourself, is battling Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction, you are likely wondering if anyone understands your horrific situation… Well, I do. Let me share a quick bit to help you understand that you are not alone in this.

 

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn. 

As a married man, I looked at myself as someone who should finally be fulfilled. I had Christ, I was newly married to a beautiful Wife, and I was finally able to stay porn free for a few months. Things were really looking good for someone who had been hopelessly addicted to porn. After the wedding and a few sober months from porn, I realized very quickly, after this sort of nirvana washed away, that my life had a new challenge. This was something I google diagnosed as “Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction”. I gulped as I quickly realized I was dealing with the effects of porn in a greater way than ever before. Without porn as my scapegoat, and out of terror of hurting my wife, I began trying to force myself to get hard every time we would have sex. This only leads to great despair as I began to feel worthless and incapable, and she started feeling unattractive and unsatisfied. As things got worse, I realized I was falling into a pit of total despair, leaving my wife to make sense of it all for herself. I felt so much pressure, guilt, doubt, anxiety, self-hatred, and worst of all distance from my Wife…

If my story sounds familiar and you are experiencing anything as I had, I want to assure you that you are in the right place. No matter if you are single, married, divorced, young, old, shy, or confident… This fast-spreading problem of PIED that has gripped you is not something you need to struggle with any longer! The steps that I took to heal can go much deeper for some and they may be simpler for others. All you need to know is if I healed, why can’t you? If others have seen the benefits and are now enjoying healthy sexual intimacy, why can’t you?

 

To see the 3 steps you can take to cure your porn-induced erectile dysfunction, please click here.
This was a blog Shawn did as a guest on their website so to see the full post, we must direct you to their website.

When you get to the point of craving more, but enjoying less, you come to face to face with the reality that your partners cannot satisfy, and really, you don’t know if anything can.

This hinders dopamine and other healthy chemicals such as adrenaline, which then leads to your struggles with Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction.

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I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

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Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery?
 
This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all
Self-care is often left out because one may feel as if they don’t “deserve” it. Or maybe they feel they don’t need it…
 

But let me tell you, the topics I am going to cover today are vital to one staying fresh, alert, and able to pursue recovery in the way it requires.

This is a self-care acronym from the Pure Desire Conquer series that I really reinstated with. Its called “SEEDS” and Its something that has stuck with me ever since:
 
Social Contact
Exercise     
Education
Diet
Sleep
 
I will split each piece of the equation and give you the negative outcome if it is not taken seriously, and the positive if it is. I call the negative the “lacking habits” and the positive the “on track habits”
 
The Lacking Habits- How these work against you to keep you watching porn, masturbating, and letting emotions fester
 
  • Social Contact – When one ignores the connection, they welcome isolation. This becomes the breeding ground for shame, faulty core beliefs, and lies from the enemy. To lock your addiction inside is like locking an elephant in a smart car… It just won’t work out well. This route leads to further isolation, deeper addiction, and much worse consequences.

  • Education – They say you are what you read. Well, if you are not reading anything good and spending all day filling your mind with porn, then you are not heading in the best direction according to that saying… When you neglect to learn the steps to recovery, reading about others freedom, and finding things that motivate you to quit porn, it makes it nearly impossible to feel like you could actually quit one day.

  • Exercise – When you are, for lack of better words “lazy” your mind works differently. The feeling of guilt is very real when you know you “should be” working out but you don’t. Low confidence and a shrinking self-image are very common when we start to compare others who “look better” than we do. The laziness we treat our body with transfers to the laziness of the mind… No healthy dopamine, no healthy stress relief, and no healthy habit to take over for the porn and masturbation habit you do have…
     
  •  Diet – Yes, we could all imagine a comic of a Mom saying “You are what you eat” to her son who has turned into a candy bar with eyes… But, to look at this with a serious tone we need to understand that when we are hungry, tired, or feeling out of shape we are often very tempted… These 3, and several more feelings or emotions can be linked directly to how we fuel our bodies. If you are going to fill your body with garbage then you will have garbage results… and this goes much further than the old gym saying. I’m talking about life and death! Your marriage, your children, your dignity which are all on the line when you play with fire.
     
  • Sleep – Iv heard it and sadly iv believed it… “Entrepreneurs sleepless” or how about “You can sleep when you’re dead”. Sleep is an absolute integral part of any healing process, especially one of the mind! When we let our sleep dwindle to a mere 5 hours a night we are letting the enemy take ownership of our mind. We are going to be tempted with feelings of exhaustion that lead to compulsive behavior and the desire to isolate which leads to binge-watching porn and a further masturbation habit.
There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all
Self-care is often left out because one may feel as if they don’t “deserve” it. Or maybe they feel they don’t need it…
On Track Habits- How these work in your favor to help you quit porn and stop masturbating

 

  • Social Contact – “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, its connection”. This quote is something that should radically change the way you see recovery. Connection with others is what will motivate, inspire, and convict you. To have peers going through recovery with you, and to have mentors who have walked the walk before is where you will want to get too. You are encouraged to get a core group of “battle buddies” and people you can trust with your life. The kind of people whom you know will help you through any trial you are facing. 

  • Education – “I never let school get in the way my education is a quote that I love! Maybe you have a pre conceded notion about learning that has kept you from engaging further, but let me tell you, to learn about how to recover will be a game changer for you. Read others stories of freedom, watch videos on how the brain changes from porn, and get inspired by tips on how to handle your temptations. With the internet and a Kindle app, the world of education is truly your oyster. 

  • Exercise – You know how it goes… You get back to working out and it feels so good; Physically, mentally, and emotionally! This comes from a healthy dopamine hit that your body craves, as well as from healthy circulation of blood flow in your brain. When you feel better about yourself you will be more willing to take a stand for what is right. When our mind is centred on a goal bigger than just “getting healthy” such as “feeding my body what it needs to live a pure life” we can see a change of heart that leads to a deeper desire to exercise. 

  • Diet  – Energy is necessary to quit porn… The greatest source of energy throughout the day is food. This is an internal and external truth that I believe needs a mindset switch. Similar to the “Exercise” goal, we need to start thinking thoughts like “I will say yes to my purity, my spouse, and my God” when you want to take the edge off with a cookie. Food feeds the mind, simple as that… When you feed the mind healthy foods, you are getting vitamins and nutrients that will help fuel you all the way to quitting porn and your masturbation habit. 

  • Sleep – When we sleep 7-8 hours a night we are giving our bodies time to regenerate the energy it takes to truly grow and change while still having the energy to other necessary things. Being ahead of the 8 ball in the morning will give you a much stronger conviction to stay pure another day. This is not only about sleep but also a healthy sleep routine to go with it. Included in this could be a bedtime breathing technique, bible reading, and meditation time. In the morning we should have something pre-planned that we are excited to do! Maybe this is a new breakfast recipe, a reading time, or a workout.
Now you have some great information to turn into inspiration. Let you mind be driven by a reason and a purpose and you will see yourself become who you truly want to be.

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery?

 

Self Care Acronym: “SEEDS”

  • Social Contact
  • Exercise     
  • Education
  • Diet
  • Sleep

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How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

My Girlfriend Caught Me Watching Porn… What Do I Do?

My Girlfriend Caught Me Watching Porn… What Do I Do?

My Girlfriend Caught Me Watching Porn… What Do I Do?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 14, 2019

Are you dating a girl that you love but are worried that your porn addiction will ruin the relationship? Do you want to quit but feel overwhelmed with how?
 
It’s time to let go of this pressure and kick this bad habit before it can really get ugly. If you want to have a thriving marriage one day then the decision to quit porn now will help make that a possibility.
You are probably asking “My girlfriend wants me to quit porn… what do I do?” Well, let me give you some context and a few things that we believe will help
 
What porn is doing behind the scenes:
 
* To you – You may find that your expectations towards what your mate “should do” have become skewed. The way that you see people, and also act around them will change as you progress with porn. This all comes from a corruption of the heart and mind – you start to see the world through the lens of a porno film…
 
* To her – In this society, most of us know porn is a struggle that could be in any relationship. When there is an addiction that gets found out, it takes your girlfriend on an emotional roller coaster. It creates insecurity, a lack of trust, and a feeling of disrespect. This is why honesty before and in dating is so important. The really sad part is that she will likely blame herself for not being “good enough” and that is the reality of how corrosive porn is.
 
* Right now – It will create a tension that could hurt your future with this potential spouse. The tension will likely be from your guilt and their lack of trust, and sadly, this often ends relationships.
 
* In the future – You will be playing with fire that will potentially cut off any future with your girlfriend. If she has any self-respect and feels that you are unwilling to change, there is no reason she should stay. Please be aware of this and realize you cannot play the victim if this happens.
  

It’s time to let go of this pressure and kick this bad habit before it can really get ugly. If you want to have a thriving marriage one day then the decision to quit porn now will help make that a possibility

Now that you know the harms, here are 4 things you can do:
 
1. Realize you are not alone – Trust yourself and others and start to believe that your story is no different from anyone else’s… If someone has victory over porn and has a great relationship, know that you can too.
 
2. Realize forgiveness is available and needed – Forgive yourself. The past is the past and the future is unwritten. God offers forgiveness to those who are ready to humble themselves. You are a man who has turned down the wrong road but you are not too far gone. Anyone who has recovered was once where you are right now, don’t forget that.
 
3. You need to talk to someone – Trust someone enough to let them show you love and support and to speak truth and correction into you. Seek someone out, find a group, or get connected to a church or organization that focuses on recovery. This is not only important but vital! To have a place to heal and grow is crucial for you. I would even recommend a place of healing for your partner if you see things becoming serious and long-term.
 
4. Take action on recovery steps – Read books, watch video’s, grow yourself, develop your mind, and change your heart! Take 15 minutes during breakfast to read, 15 minutes on your lunch break to watch a video, and finish off with 15 minutes after dinner to journal! These are so important to you healing the underlying issues.

You may find that your expectations towards what your mate “should do” have become skewed

 

You may find that your expectations towards what your mate “should do” have become skewed. The way that you see people, and also act around them will change as you progress with porn. This all comes from a corruption of the heart and mind – you start to see the world through the lens of a porno film…

Related Articles

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

How I Rebuilt Trust In My Relationships

I stopped making excuses – I knew I had messed up… Obviously. I had to take full ownership and admit it was 100% my problem and my job to fix it.

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

How To Cure Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is, on the surface, caused by watching porn… I think we can all agree that this is an obvious factor to the equation. To make things very clear, this is a brain problem and nothing more. I want you to know that it is not your fault, and it is not something you could have imagined happening when you first started watching porn.

Selfcare During Recovery

Selfcare During Recovery

Are you the kind of person that wants to feel a sense of relief while in recovery? This does not have to be difficult… There is something called “self-care” in the world of recovery and it may very well be the thing keeping you from giving recovery your all and all

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media