Who is your Inner Critic?

Who is your Inner Critic?

Who is your Inner Critic?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

October 21, 2020

“Who is narrating your life?”
 

If we look at a movie that is narrated, we typically see the main character who speaks in first person, but we also get an inside scoop into someone telling a story or sharing what goes on inside the mind of the main character.

 

Morgan Freeman often comes to mind when we think of a narrator, and rightfully so, he’s good at it!

 

But lets take a look at your life, what comes to mind when you ask the question “Who is narrating my life?”

 

Unfortunately, I doubt its Morgan Freeman, no matter how epic that would be… And sadly, it’s also unlikely that’s its you.

You may believe it’s you, and that “its just the way it is”, but we want to help you break that lie and share an insight into the truth.


 

Someone with severe family of origin wounding may have a narrator that is telling them they are worthless, alone and unlovable. In this example, the narrator could very well be an abusive parent or family member, and depending on the type of abuse/manipulation, the victim likely believes this narration as the truth in their life.

Things like trauma, wounding, pain, numbing, and coping are all things that lead us to the life we have today.

 

As an example, someone with severe family of origin wounding may have a narrator that is telling them they are worthless, alone and unlovable. In this example, the narrator could very well be an abusive parent or family member, and depending on the type of abuse/manipulation, the victim likely believes this narration as the truth in their life.

  

Can you see how this is a problem? No matter what has happened to you in the past, you can choose to change the narrator in your life and begin living from healthy truth!

 

If you can see who your narrator is, and where it comes from, you can begin to see what is actually going on


Answer these 3 questions

-“Who is narrating my life and why do I let them?”

-“Am I allowing this narrator into my life out of pain, or out of love?”

-“Do I believe I am worthy of having a new, healthy narrator that tells a beautiful story?”

Can you see how this is a problem? No matter what has happened to you in the past, you can choose to change the narrator in your life and begin living from healthy truth!

If you can see who your narrator is, and where it comes from, you can begin to see what is actually going on

Related Articles

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

Gabor Mate is an expert in this field, and one his main findings is that the childhood trauma we carry into our adult lives is a key factor as to why we live stressful, bogged down lives. Its situations such as COVID-19 that re-trigger the trauma and cause us to feel the pain, but in ways unlike before.

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

Become a victor in the season of loss… 5 ways to overcome the COVID-19 blues

Become a victor in the season of loss… 5 ways to overcome the COVID-19 blues

Become a victor in the season of loss… 5 ways to overcome the COVID-19 blues

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

April 28, 2020

become a victor during your loss

Are you struggling from a recent loss due to COVID-19? I imagine you have lost something in one way or another, and I know it can be a tough pill to swallow. If you are one of the many who are without a job and without a regular income right now, I want to speak directly to you, but this information is relevant to anyone who has experienced a loss.

A loss often leads to grief… When something completely overturns our expectations and changes normal everyday living, it can cause us to live in fear and scarcity. I know for my self, I rely on an income to get me by because I have bills to pay… I dont think you are any different. If you have lost your job and are experiencing some of the repercussions of that, I want to encourage you to keep your mind and heart above the darkness. In times likes these, we get to choose to become a victim or a victor, and we get to decide whether we will fall into addictions or if we will step into opportunities… 

 

Why is it so hard to be a victor?

In times like these, it can be so hard to think like a victor and step into opportunities, I know firsthand… The challenge often comes from a mindset of “I deserve”, “Why me?”, ’that’s not fair”, and so on… Sure, we all believe we deserve a fair outcome, but really, life is not a respecter of people, and with this, we can get dealt a hand that we may not like. This can lead someone into feeling emotions such as grief, depression, rage, fear, boredom, loneliness, anxiety and resentment. When emotions such as these are felt, its because our thoughts are revolved around being the victim. When life is hard and we react negatively as a victim, it becomes nearly impossible to think positively, to act kindly, and to be the person you know you want to be. This becomes a recipe in ones life and its the unfailing recipe that leads to addictions… 

Touching on pornography for a second, as thats our focus with Secret Habit, we see that most addicts to porn are stuck in a cycle of playing victim, they resent a certain circumstance, they begin hating others and hating themselves, and they are stuck feeling they deserve something, so they watch porn and masturbate to “get” what they thought they “needed”.

 

What is a victor?

A victor is someone who chooses to “see the glass half full”, or one who chooses to see the opportunity rather than the present circumstance. This is nothing more than a mindset, and its only when we choose to think differently about our circumstances will we be able to adopt this “victor” life stance.

What if I am addicted to porn right now? Well, a victor is someone who chooses to see that this addiction is doing more damage than they had originally anticipated. When porn becomes a daily/weekly thing, it will, of course, harm you, but it will also begin to harm those around you. A victor decides to get out of denial, see the issue for what it truly is, and make the decision to say NO MORE. Fighting the battle is the beginning to winning the battle, and in my eyes, the victor is not just the one who has the victory in the end, it’s also the one who makes the right choice, to start the journey to victory today!

 

 

A victor decides to get out of denial, see the issue for what it truly is, and make the decision to say NO MORE. Fighting the battle is the beginning to winning the battle, and in my eyes, the victor is not just the one who has the victory in the end, it’s also the one who makes the right choice, to start the journey to victory today!

5 tips you can do right now to become a victor:

  • Choose to be a victor, not a victim
As you have already read, there are some changes that need to be made to go from victim to victor… It is a mentality switch and it begins with you making the decision. Yes, you may think, “I have made this decision before, but it didn’t work for me” Well, most people make decisions, but have no plan in place to follow through with. What I am recommending you to do is:

– Make the decision
– Create a game-plan (Use Secret Habit as a resource, we are here to help)
– Re focus your thoughts

– Work the game-plan

 

  • Focus on what you can do
It’s amazing how so many people go through life without purpose, without joy, and without an idea of why they do what they do… Well, if you have some extra time right now, like most of do, why don’t you begin to ask some of the BIG questions in life?

“What do I enjoy doing so much that I could help other people by doing it?”
“What am I gifted in that I could turn into a vocation?”
“What can I do today that if I do it, it will help me take the next step tomorrow?”

Questions like these are SO helpful! In this season right now, questions like these may be the key to you finding out how you can make some money and support yourself… I know that would be a game-changer for most of you! This is also a fantastic time to start learning something new, which could definitely be a part of you becoming an expert in the field of your passion. Take the time to get excited about learning! To learn something of purpose is one of the most fulfilling things on this earth.

A quick story to share what happened with me: When I started Secret Habit, I knew I wanted to help people, I knew I had a story of freedom from porn, and I knew that not many people were helping in the area of porn addiction. It would NEVER have been my first choice of “what I wanted to do” but what I realized really quickly is that when I worked on Secret Habit, I was more fulfilled than any other time… I challenge you, in this season of uncertainty, to step into something that you were made to do!

 

  • Be a light in the darkness
You have something to share, everyone does… I never thought that I did while growing up, but obviously, if you are reading this blog, you believe I do. What if you wrote a blog, did a livestream, wrote a song, played an instrument, started a Facebook group? There are so many ways you can be a light in this time where people are stuck at home, afraid, and unsure of what to do. So again, its a good time to ask the questions that need to be asked and unleash the passion and gifts inside of you. 

When you begin to work in an area of purpose, its incredible how you will almost automatically become a victor! Its true time and time again, when someone has purpose in life, they will start to become free from the shackles in their life, and this is how people quit things such as pornography… If something such as a purpose begins to serve you and fill that hole in your heart, the things that you previously used to numb the hole actually become unnecessary, and you outgrow the need for them.

 

  • Be aware of triggers
When we are in a place of emotional strain, we will begin to be triggered by circumstances going on in our lives. The circumstance of you losing your job is only a circumstance, but what it does to you may be destructive…. Be aware of what is going on inside your mind before it traps you in the cycle of negativity, leading to falling into the victim role. It would be wise to take some time to write the triggers that send you into an emotional tailspin. Sure, some of them may be tough circumstances that seem justifiable, and some may past trauma getting brought back up, but some may simply be a revealing that you have an unhealthy outlook on life… Its so important to do this so you can live proactively, rather than living in reaction. 

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel rage?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed in such a short period of time.

 

  • Stay Connected
You are likely feeling isolated, regardless if you have COVID-19 or not, being forced into isolation is a challenge. This season can lead to a lack of connection, but sadly, if we’re not proactive, it may lead to a new habit of being disconnected.… As humans, we were created for connection and without it, our hearts grow weary… Ask yourself “What are some things I can do today to start getting connected?” 

Heres a few examples that come to mind:

– Plan a video call with a friend
– Join or start a Reddit, Facebook, or online forum group
– Get some friends to play an online video game
– Find a language app and trade your English expertise for someone else’s first language expertise

– Learn some new games, or read a book as a group with those who you live with

 

To conclude:

As you may see, our take on helping someone overcome pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it – This is why Secret Habit exists and I hope you have found this blog helpful… we truly care and that’s why we do what we do

 

RESOURCES for you in this time:

  • “Finish” Give yourself the gift of done – Because perfectionism often kills all good things, this book must be recommended
  • The Gifts of Imperfection – This book was a huge part of my own personal healing journey and can help one get on the right track to being their best perfectly imperfect self
  • Consider before consuming podcast – Its a unique time to really consider what we do before we do, and this podcast will be a big help in that process.
  • Your brain on porn – A great resource to help you understand what happens to a pornified brain, and to guide you to make an informed decision.

     

We are here to help:

At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. We are happy to offer resource recommendations, access to our programs, and even mentoring if we are available. Please reach out if you are in need of help, we will do what we can to ensure you leave with something concrete to begin doing so you can find the freedom you deserve

PS:

Stay tuned for more blogs and videos to help you during the COVID-19 pandemic. Obviously, these teachings are relevant all the time, but they are even more needed in this time! We are happy to answer any questions you may have or point you in the right direction to get further help with your specific need.

If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it

 

As you may see, our take on helping someone overcome pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it

Related Articles

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

Gabor Mate is an expert in this field, and one his main findings is that the childhood trauma we carry into our adult lives is a key factor as to why we live stressful, bogged down lives. Its situations such as COVID-19 that re-trigger the trauma and cause us to feel the pain, but in ways unlike before.

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

March 24, 2020

working from home during COVID19

If your life has been shaken by the COVID-19 pandemic, and your work has transitioned to a home office, you may be waking up with new struggles that you have never experienced before… One of those struggles is likely the temptation to numb, and one of the “go-to” coping mechanisms in such situations is internet pornography.

 

Why would someone look to numb in such a time, isn’t working from home the best thing since sliced bread? Well, working from home has its perks, but it can cause some serious emotions to flare up from triggers we may not be used to feeling during a common workday. With all the news feeds jammed full of updates on how bad things are looking, its easy to feel a sense of overwhelm in this season of life.

When I say “emotional flare-up”, what I mean is that you now have so much more to deal with, likely, without knowing it. You have to be self-motivated, focused on the work task at hand, on a strict schedule to have a work-life balance, able to work solo without community, and one of the hardest things – distancing yourself from family so you can get work done, but all the while being in the same house.

There are many more struggles that come with working from home, but lets just focus in on what they can all lead to – Negative thoughts, emotions, and beliefs that can lead to a desire to numb.

These desires to numb mixed in with the shocking stats of how many people are watching porn regularly inevitably equal an increase in porn addiction… How so? Well, when someone is experiencing new emotional triggers (from being home from work), they may feel angry, fearful, purposeless, bored, and/or overwhelmed… These are all root emotions that often lead people to seeking out and watching porn.

Why does this matter? Because if you are working from home, you likely have more things to do each day (at work and around the house), topped with a greater pressure to perform, all the while having more time to be left alone with your computer to get into unhealthy things such as porn or tempting social media posts with nobody to hold you accountable.

When I say “emotional flare-up”, what I mean is that you now have so much more to deal with, likely, without knowing it. You have to be self-motivated, focused on the work task at hand, on a strict schedule to have a work-life balance, able to work solo without community, and one of the hardest things – distancing yourself from family so you can get work done, but all the while being in the same house.


Here are 4 tips to help you stay focused and
healthy while working from home:

  • Set yourself up for success:

Now is the time to plan, not for how much food you need to outlast the coronavirus, but planning how you are going to combat the emotions that may drive you to watch porn and relapse… I would recommend having a daily plan that you set up the night prior so you are ready and prepared as soon as you wake up.
You may have some key things planned such as your morning routine, a set work schedule, a healthy exercise in between, your meal plan, a healthy stress reviver if the day gets hard, a chance to see your family, and so on… Being motivated by a purpose will help keep you from getting to the point of feeling the burn to numb. It will also be wise to plan your evenings, or off work hours, especially the ones where you may be tempted by boredom or lack of anything “better” to do. Getting to bed at a regular time will be incredibly helpful in ensuring you don’t get caught up in being up late looking at things you know are going to be detrimental to your life.

It would also be a good idea to get yourself some accountability. Not because accountability is the answer to overcoming pornography, but because it adds a layer of protection that you likely had built in while at work. Here is a link to Covenant Eyes, which is in my opinion, a top notch resource for not only web filtering but for screen monitoring and total accountability with all things you view. You are going to want to talk to a few trusted friends of the same gender and have them become your “allies”. Now, these people aren’t just there for you to tell when you relapse… Find yourself a couple of key people who you know will ask you about the deeper issue behind why you sought out porn instead of a healthy alternative…

 

  • Take care of yourself:

We live in a culture that has lost its understanding of what pleasure truly is… Think about this for a moment, maybe you worked hard all day, hit a goal, accomplished something important, so you choose to “celebrate” with something that actually makes you feel sick… Sex, porn, alcohol, food, sugar, etc… These have become the norm in the world of pleasure today, but really, are they pleasuring?
In this season of COVID-19, I want to challenge you to truly take care of yourself. As you are working from home, you will likely hit goals, accomplish things, feel the need to celebrate or let off some steam… This is the time to ask yourself the question, “What would be authentically pleasuring to me right now?”. You may be surprised to learn that the things we often do for “pleasure” are actually trash compared to what we truly want/need. “Authentic pleasure” is fulfilling, but so often, we seek “pleasure” that is so far from what we actually want/need because we are numbing something below the surface.

So its time to take care of yourself because you deserve so much better than trash. You deserve to feel authentic pleasure and you deserve to experience the fulfilment it brings. Try a walk around the park with your favourite music, have a hot bath with some epsom salts, watch something funny on YouTube and laugh, try making an exotic meal and enjoy the gift of making something new, buy a comfy office chair so you are reminded that you love yourself every time you sit on it, etc… there are so many things that will actually bring authentic pleasure if we just think to ourselves “What is actually going to fulfil me right now”.

 

  • Identify your triggers:

What really sets you off? Are there certain circumstances that cause you more stress, strain, anxiety, or fear than other ones? It would be wise to take some time to write the triggers that send you into an emotional tailspin. Sure, some of them may be tough circumstances that seem justifiable, and some may past trauma getting brought back up, but some may simply be a revealing that you have an unhealthy outlook on life… Its so important to do this so you can live proactively, rather than living in reaction.

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

 

  • Change how you react to your triggers:

To piggyback off of the last point, here are the steps to changing how you react.

Begin with the negative – Write out your triggers, what you think after the trigger, how these thoughts make you feel, and then what these feelings lead you to do. Then, take some time and visualize and write out a positive response to the trigger… To change the response, you would begin with creating a positive thought, then imagine what that thought would make you feel like, then think about how that would lead you to act. Begin putting this into practice now by reviewing past situations where you didn’t react so well, so that the next time that trigger occurs, you will be prepared to respond differently.

 

We are here to help:
At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. We are happy to offer resource recommendations, access to our programs, and even mentoring if we are available. Please reach out if you are in need of help, we will do what we can to ensure you leave with something concrete to begin doing so you can find the freedom you deserve

As you may see, our take on helping someone overcome pornography addiction is much more about the internal than the external. We are all about helping someone change their lifestyle and seek what is good, rather than constantly avoid what is bad… If you knew how amazing life is without porn, then you would be doing whatever it took to get free from it – This is why Secret Habit exists and I hope you have found this blog helpful… we truly care and that’s why we do what we do

PS:
Stay tuned for more blogs and videos to help you during the COVID-19 pandemic. Obviously these teachings are relevant all the time, but they are even more needed in this time! We are happy to answer any questions you may have, or point you in the right direction to get further help with your specific need.

Change the way you react to triggers.. 

Write out your triggers, what you think after the trigger, how these thoughts make you feel, and then what these feelings lead you to do. Then, take some time and visualize and write out a positive response to the trigger… To change the response, you would begin with creating a positive thought, then imagine what that thought would make you feel like, then think about how that would lead you to act.

Related Articles

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

Gabor Mate is an expert in this field, and one his main findings is that the childhood trauma we carry into our adult lives is a key factor as to why we live stressful, bogged down lives. Its situations such as COVID-19 that re-trigger the trauma and cause us to feel the pain, but in ways unlike before.

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

Do you want to get well? Learn more by clicking the button below

Follow Us

We love to keep in touch with you.
You will find great resources on our social media

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Why Is COVID-19 Causing You To Relapse?

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

March 24, 2020


Like most of us, COVID-19 has caused some tremendous change in our everyday life. You may be feeling emotions, experiencing things, and dealing with situations you have never had to deal with before… When our world gets turned upside down, sometimes we do too. This may look very different for each and every one of us, but let’s focus in on one of the greatest attacks that you need to fight during this pandemic, and no, its has nothing to do with toilet paper, I am talking about the attack from the porn industry.

Amidst all of this chaos, you may be feeling tempted to act out in ways that you know are not healthy… Being stuck at home, off of work, or even sick in quarantine can be recipes for boredom, lack of purpose, fear, and several other triggering thoughts and emotions. With porn websites giving out free access to their content that normally comes with a cost, and the news feeds being full of hysteria and fear, it’s easy to find yourself falling into a state of relapse with no idea what to do.

COVID-19 is a virus that will make you sick with respiratory issues for a relatively short period of time if you are in the 92% or so of people that recover. However, what the news is not telling you is that the repercussions of something like COVID-19 include shame, guilt, self-hatred, anger, self-objectification, addiction, defeatism and so much more. No, I am not blaming COVID-19 for this…But, what I am doing is I am choosing to do my part to ensure you are aware that in times of high stress, isolation, boredom, and uncertainty, bad things inevitably happen.


Let’s take the rest of the time to focus in on pornography addiction and understand why the COVID-19 pandemic may be causing you to relapse. Some of the main triggers to someone falling into porn and getting stuck in a binge cycle include a lack of purpose, boredom, fear, anger, defeatism, shame, and many more. When considering why someone is addicted to porn, its also vital to look at one’s past in the way they were raised, treated, communicated with, and cared for. There are so many factors that fly under the radar when asking the questions “Why can’t I quit porn” or “Why am I relapsing so much right now”…

 

No, I am not blaming COVID-19 for this…But, what I am doing is,
I am choosing to do my part to ensure you are aware that in times of high stress, isolation, boredom, and uncertainty, bad things inevitably happen.

Let’s look at 3 reasons why someone may be stuck in relapse during this COVID-19 season of life:

 

  • Unidentified Triggers:

As I mentioned in the beginning, you may be dealing with things right now like never before. This alone can bring up a lot of turmoil, pain, and trauma that has never been dealt with in your life. These wounds can come from all sorts of experiences in life but some examples may be your upbringing, an abuse, or a loss you have experienced. When there are things such as the COVID-19 pandemic that are so far out of our control, it can often reveal things about us that we may not have been aware of previously. I want to encourage you to see this as a positive because it is your heart longing to find what it truly needs, and let me tell you, porn is most definitely not what it needs.

 

  • Garbage in, garbage out: 

We can look at the body as a perfect example of a return on investment… If you eat McDonald’s, it may taste good for the time being, but let’s be honest, it will slow you down, cause weight issues, and actually deteriorate your health in the long run. On the other hand, if you eat something with the right macros, you will feel energized and alert and will experience long term health benefits. There are many more examples of this, but there’s only one question I have for you – “Why do you treat yourself like a trash can if you know what it leads to?”. I know, it’s not as easy as it sounds, but it is simple. I want to reframe your mind and help you think differently! One of the things that you are likely taking in that is causing you to relapse is too much social media. Not only is it negative in this season due to fear, hysteria, and uncertainty, but its also full of sexual images, temptation, and a display of how your life is worse than everyone else… This is garbage in, which will always lead to garbage out.

 

  • The wrong recipe:

If you are stuck at home, working from home, quarantined, or whatever else, and you do not have a plan for how you will seek what is good and healthy over what is negative and unhealthy, then you are in trouble! The old saying is “If you aim for nothing, you will hit it” and unfortunately, the worlds “nothing” is addiction, obesity, and so on. You MUST have a battle plan to combat these tough times. If your recipe is blank then your finished product will be non-existent, and if your recipe has the wrong ingredients than your finished product is going to be a fail. Don’t let this be you, please do your due diligence and plan for success… Im not saying its easy, but I am saying its worth it!
 

 

Healthy tip and take away:

Talk to yourself, THEN listen… So often we listen to ourselves when we need to be speaking to ourselves. If you feel a certain way, its because you are thinking a certain way! Our thoughts control everything, not our circumstances, and not our feelings, it’s all about our thoughts! So how do you change your thoughts? Well, you need to talk to yourself and speak truth, encouragement, compassion, and the facts. This will begin to change the way you think and if you feel yourself going back to the lie, the fear, or the pessimism, reel it back in and speak to yourself again and again. This exercise truly works wonders and it’s something I want to leave with you as you step into the reality of what is going on and what you can do about it.

 

 

We are here to help:

At Secret Habit, we want to add value in this season to anyone going through a hard time. We are happy to offer resource recommendations, access to our programs, and even mentoring if we are available. Please reach out if you are in need of help, we will do what we can to ensure you leave with something concrete to begin doing so you can stop relapsing and start living.

 

PS:
Stay tuned for more blogs and videos to help you during the COVID-19 pandemic. Obviously these teachings are relevant all the time, but they are even more needed in this time! We are happy to answer any questions you may have or point you in the right direction to get further help with your specific need. 

Talk to yourself, THEN listen…

 

Our thoughts control everything, not our circumstances, and not our feelings, it’s all about our thoughts! So how do you change your thoughts? Well, you need to talk to yourself and speak truth, encouragement, compassion, and the facts. This will begin to change the way you think and if you feel yourself going back to the lie, the fear, or the pessimism, reel it back in and speak to yourself again and again. This exercise truly works wonders and it’s something I want to leave with you as you step into the reality of what is going on and what you can do about it.

Related Articles

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

How the body is affected by our stress amidst the COVID-19 pandemic

Gabor Mate is an expert in this field, and one his main findings is that the childhood trauma we carry into our adult lives is a key factor as to why we live stressful, bogged down lives. Its situations such as COVID-19 that re-trigger the trauma and cause us to feel the pain, but in ways unlike before.

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

4 tips if you are working from home and struggling with porn amidst COVID-19

To identify a trigger, you may need to look back at the last couple days and think to yourself, “What caused me to feel fear?”; “What was I feeling the last time I relapsed?”; “Who in my life makes me feel stressed?”, etc… There are so many revealing questions you can ask, so begin asking… You will be surprised at how much gets revealed!

Stay Connected

Secret Habit Mentoring Services

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Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Seek health and freedom, not just recovery from porn

Written by Shawn Bonneteau

August 30, 2019

seek health and freedom from porn
To truly heal from pornography addiction, you need to seek health and freedom, not just recovery
 
What does this mean?
 
Well, let’s look at an example of someone who has “recovered” and someone who has “healed”
 
The “Dry Drunk” is the one who has recovered because he found sobriety: This person may have been sober for say 20 years BUT still calls himself an “addict”. Let’s use an alcoholic for an example here – The reason they would still say “I am an addict” is that the moment they get a drop of alcohol on their tongue they would be right back to their destructive drinking habits. The reason for this is they have deeper problems than just drinking alcohol. The problem goes as deep as our root wounds and sometimes that is much deeper than we may want to go… 
 
Someone who is “Healthy” is typically the one who has found what most desire, FREEDOM from their addiction: This person would be the one who was willing to do the deep work to get into their root wounds and heal from the inside out. They move past avoiding the habit and move into finding out why they seek the habit in the first place. This is what builds the foundation to becoming a healthy, aware, and forward-focused individually who is on their way to total health and freedom, not just recovery!
 
 
Heres an analogy to help you understand the root wounds and why they are so important to go from “recovery” to “healthy”
 
It may not be the most obvious example but onions are a great comparison here: Like onions, humans have many layers to their emotional self. You may think that our physical porn habit is the problem when truthfully, the issue may be that your Father never said “I love you” and was always working. Deep issues such as this can lead you to feel unloved, abandoned and even worthless. These are the very emotions and incidents that would drive someone to seek porn and other addictions. When this is the case, you need to get “beneath the layers” and work on what’s really bothering you and causing you to act out… Because if you dont, you will simply be left to avoid the habit and find sobriety when total health and freedom are 100% available to you!
 
How can you move into seeking “health and freedom” and not just “recovery?
 
1 – One of the most important habits one can get into when seeking total health and not just recovery is “self-care”
Check out this blog I wrote on self-care during to help you begin to implement it in your recovery disciplines. This will certainly be a game-changer and something that can single handily lead to greater clarity and healing on your journey to freedom.
 
2 – Learning how to get into your heart, not just your head: To be able to truly heal, you need to learn how to get into what is driving your addiction and desire to numb. Ask yourself questions such as:
 
  • What am I running from right now?
  • What am I trying to numb with porn?
  • What am I feeling that causes me to clock out?

Someone who is “Healthy” is typically the one who has found what most desire, FREEDOM from their addiction: This person would be the one who was willing to do the deep work to get into their root wounds and heal from the inside out. They move past avoiding the habit and move into finding out why they seek the habit in the first place. This is what builds the foundation to becoming a healthy, aware, and forward-focused individually who is on their way to total health and freedom, not just recovery!

These answers will lead you to a place of awareness, which then leads you to a decision to make… Do you want to truly heal? Because if you do, then then the work you are going to have to do will require some depth. Its time to take this to the next notch and begin asking questions that get below the surface, into the difficult times of your life.
 
3 – Find a mentor to help you see where you are settling for less: To use the same brain that got you into your addiction to try and get out of it seems a bit crazy does it not? Well, it is… Its actually a paraphrased definition of insanity 
 
A Mentor is someone much greater than an accountability partner. Having someone to truly guide you to where they have been is going to be key to this journey to total health and freedom. To have someone who knows the common emotional issues, the practical steps, the twists and turns, and most of all, the result that you are seeking will be the exact piece to this puzzle that you need.
 
A mentor can be someone you know through your Church, a local organization, or even a friend that you look up to – Just make sure they have walked the walk and can help you through your journey. 
 
If you don’t have someone such as this, feel free to reach out to Shawn or Helena – This is what we are Certified in, passionate about, and called to do. Check out Shawn’s and Helena’s story here to see who we are, what we are all about, and how we went from trial to triumph

A Mentor is someone much greater than an accountability partner. Having someone to truly guide you to where they have been is going to be key to this journey to total health and freedom.

To have someone who knows the common emotional issues, the practical steps, the twists and turns, and most of all, the result that you are seeking will be the exact piece to this puzzle that you need.

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